All It Takes
by Ja ne Kat
Summary: Because sometimes all it takes is a little stubborness, and they have some to spare. F!mage Hawke/Fenris, Becuase how they get back together is a source of much Fandom Guessing, lucky us! Collection of one-shots spanning the game.IS NOW M!Pic by drathe, my friend sent it to me i have not clue where she got it. i love it though.
1. As the World Falls Down

The Part Where the World Falls Down.

By/Par: Ja ne, Kat

Okay just for those who want to know, in this DA universe Hawke is a Mage healer but (as I like Bethany better) Carver died fleeing the blight and as far as timeline goes, "A Bitter Pill" (this one-shot) happens AFTER "All That Remains". I hope this clears up any and all confusion. forgive all mistakes I don't have a Beta . .. and sometimes things get missed when you convert it from one format to another. May i say this looked prettier in my microsoft word . . .

OXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Tender, but calloused fingers drifted lightly over his skin, their pale colour a startling contrast against his own dark brown. He was tense, braced for the pain that ALL contact brought him and was unsurprised when his tattoos lit the bed around them.

"Relax Fenris. I would never do something to cause you harm. Concentrate, are you actually hurt?" Warm breath against his neck before her tongue traced the tattoos there, following the line of them down to his chest.

No, he realized with a growing wonder, he wasn't. Her touch was . . . his mind trailed off. Halted from thinking as her mouth continued following the tattoos downward path and he had a brief moment of panic when he realized where she would end up. Then her mouth sealed around him and he gave himself over to her, a mage. Hands clenching into the scarlet sheets and ripping them, to keep from reaching for her and _hurting_ her as some still broken part of him wanted to do. Letting her tease him and permitting her to feel in control, before he felt his resolve break with a snap and he pulled her up his body before rolling them and using the now shredded sheet to tie her to the head broad. He sent her a wicked smile that caused her to shudder and flush, before indulging in her body, grateful that Marion's bedroom had no windows, the light show they were putting on would have had all the Templar's in Hightown knocking on the door as Marion's healing magic added to the glow he was giving off.

Hours and several rounds later had found him standing, beside the bed, looking down at the all too tempting body. His hand still clenched around that first piece of scarlet sheet. He had spent his whole, remembered life, running from his past. Yet, after all that he said he was done running, he found himself right back at the start. All because the touch, the feel and the complete surrender of _her_, the only person to see him **as** a person, had brought all that was forgotten back in a rush of pleasure and Magic. Only it had vanished, back into that dark space in his mind, leaving him feeling like something important was missing and could not be brought back.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

"_**Venhedis!**_" He snarled, heaving, the now empty, wine bottle at the wall of the room he'd made his bedroom. He had wanted to leave before she had woken up and pinned him with that pain-filled, too blue gaze, that had only just started to leave her face a few weeks before . . . all this. He had wanted to leave, but she deserved so much better than that. She deserved the best he could give her and so he had waited for her to wake. He had stood staring at her for hours. Wanting to brand the image of her lying there, barred so trustingly and temptingly before him, into his memory as if it was the lyrium on his skin. He had spun to face the fire when she'd started shifting toward waking, running from her even before she opened her eyes.

"And here I told her I was still in Kirkwall to make a stand. To stop running and begin living."

Letting his head hang allowed his eyes to lock on to the strip of sheet he **still** held like a lifeline in his hand. The blood red colour reminded him of the death that had started his flight to freedom and the gift, freely given that was now holding him here. Such an important thing to give, and she'd given it to him. Mind made up he tied it around his wrist. It wasn't part of him like the lyrium, but it would be _THERE_ to remind him all the same.

OXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

He'd fled from her. He'd fled, like she was the Blight come personally to infect him. Or maybe one of the Magister's he always told her, her magic would make her one day.

"I'm well and truly alone now."

The words were empty and sounded _nothing_ like her. They were . . . weak. She was an Ogre-slayer and conqueror of dark, dangerous and treasure filled caves. She was **always** the strong one, for her family. The thought hit her hard and put a small hitch in her breathing.

"Only now, there's no one to be strong for."

The Ogre had killed Carver. She would trade every last bit of the treasure she had acquired to have Bethany back from the Grey Wardens and Mother . . . A bitter laugh slipped out. Mother had been turned into a puppet by the same force, she, herself had used to _defend_ her family all those long years. Now Fenris had run from her because someone else who had magic would rather use it to destroy, then to do the harder work and use it to fix all that was hopelessly broken in the world.

A soft whine drew her attention to the doorway. There stood her Mabari, as he always did when she needed him, waiting for her to call him.

"Calen."

His name fell softly from her lips as she slid off the edge of the bed where she had been since cleaning up after he'd run. She tossed her arms around his neck and buried her face into his fur. No matter that they had been gone from Fereldan for more than five years, his fur always smelled for Lothering, of home, long gone and mostly forgotten. Here then was her oldest and truest companion, and he had been since she had been only a farmer's daughter desperately trying to hide what she was from the world, but still willing to turn herself over if that would keep her younger sibling safe.

He had let her borrow his shoulder before, on those few occasions when she had needed to borrow strength. The first time had been when her father had died, a few months before she'd been forced to lead her family from the Blight. Once, just after Bethany had written her sister her first and last letter after her Joining. To let her sister know how much she resented her older sister's choice. It seemed to matter little to Bethany that Hawke wrote her at least once a month.

"I'm glad that you are still here with me. Thank you. Thank you so, so much for picking me all those years ago."

A soft WOOF of warm air against her ear as he drew back slowly and gave her the look that said he was waiting for the action plan.

"He's not getting rid of me that easily, Calen. So, he doesn't want to share a bed or more with me, then fine. I **can** live with that. It isn't the most awful thing that's happened to me."

_But it was up there_, she thought to herself.

"I REFUSE to lose his friendship over this. I'm going to act as if tonight never happened. So, since I will not be getting anymore sleep tonight, I'm going to go down to the library. I'm not going to miss this morning's reading lessons, and now that Orana's here I'll take her with me and they can both learn what most slaves are denied."

Plan of action set he followed her as she marched to the library to get two lesson plans ready, and breakfast. Just because her mother was gone did not mean someone shouldn't make sure that the blasted, stubborn elf ate!

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

He was jolted out of his drunken slumber into his hangover when his door slammed closed. He didn't even have time to wonder who it was before her cheerful voice called out to him.

"Morning Fenris! Are you ready for lessons? I'll bring breakfast up in a minute I'm just going to have Orana start cleaning up the formal dining room!"

Surely he was dreaming? After what he'd done to her last night, she would not just wander in here for reading lessons as if nothing had happened? Yet, opening his eyes against the painful light, showed her framed in his doorway, basket of food in her arms, Mabari at her heels. The same as she did every morning when she came to teach him to read.

"Hawke? What-" He trailed off not sure he wanted to ask as her smile slipped, but she walked in a set the basket on the worktable she had given him, choosing to ignore that he'd gone back to calling her Hawke.

"I said to take your time eating because Orana and I are going to clean up the formal dining room. We can do lessons in there from now on since she doesn't know how to read either. I thought she would be more comfortable learning with you in the room at least until she stops flinching at every mistake she makes, because she's waiting for punishment. She has volunteered to make breakfast for you since she's imposing. I didn't think you would mind to help me, help her.

She wanted him to help someone else learn there was life after slavery? To help them become who they really were under the mask that same slavery forced on you? No, he didn't mind. He was . . . humbled Hawke would still choose him to help with such an important and enormous task. More so, since he had made so many mistakes, getting and keeping his freedom.

"I don't. Mind that is. The formal dining room is fine since it and the kitchen are both right off the front door. She won't run into any missed traps left in the house that way." He watched her face as he said it, waiting to see if, maybe, she'd been kidding, but there was just a bright smile that he really hadn't expected to be sent in his direction again.

"Then eat. Get dressed and meet us down there. One favour though?"

"Hmm?"

"Can you remove the body from the front hall into the main hall? It bothered Orana. Bad memories she said."

Since he could well imagine what type of memories, he nodded.

"Thanks!"

Then she was gone, and he could hear her shoes as she strode down the stairs.

OXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

All while he ate he could hear the sound of the two women working. Hawke's voice, cheerful as always, managed to pull not only a small giggle from the younger woman but he could hear the young elf's timid questions. In the weeks since his disappearance from the slaver caves, to showing up at Hawke's last night the other girl seemed to have been eased into calling Hawke "Mistress" rather than "Master". He thought about joining them right after he'd finished his breakfast but Hawke had said to take his time and he had no clue how long it would take the two women to shovel years of dust and grime out of the room. Though he was sure Hawke had picked that room because no one had died in it and Orana wouldn't have to clean **people** off the walls. The thought reminded him that he'd promised to move bodies around, so with a sigh he headed down and dragged them from the front entrance, off the side in the great hall. After that he had been planning to head up and get some practice in before lessons, but the warmth in the two voices drew him toward the doorway and had him peeking in.

The first thing he noticed was that they were COVERED in dirt and dust. It was in their hair, on their clothes and both had streaks on their arms and faces. They had stacked the cleaning supplies near the now clean hearth, in a vain attempt to keep the water they were working with warm. They must have started at that end of the room and in the hour and a half he'd been gone they worked their way to the mid-point. There were large bright red pillows in front of the hearth with artist's personal painting boards lying in front. Inkwells and paper stacked neatly on them and each had different books stacked beside those. He was sad to say that the large table that had been in the room had been used as fire wood last winter. Hawke, being the shorter of the two women was on her knees washing the floor. Calen cloth in his mouth seemed to be helping her. Orana, being taller was dusting off surfaces. The room was well-lit with candles, which he didn't understand. In her own home Hawke used her spell to light up whatever area she was working in. It was part of the reason for her giving the master bedroom to her mother. She didn't want any strange flashes of light to bring the Templar's to her door. She claimed the light was clearer and made it easier to see since she could float it wherever she wanted and there was no heat to burn things. Luckily for him Orana seemed to be wondering the same thing as she voice the questions only minutes after he'd thought it.

"Mistress?" Her voice was soft and shy, but it was not tainted by fear as it had been the last time he'd heard her speak. Another disservice he'd done Hawke, implying she just wanted a slave.

"Hmm? Yes, Orana?" Hawke answered distractedly, attacking a spot on the floor as though it had just told her the bakery had no more of those fluffy pastries she loved so much.

"Why did we bring all these candles to use? Why do we just not use your light spell? It is much easier to see the dirt with it."

Hawke stopped attacking to floor long enough to toss the girl small smile.

"That is true, but this is not _our_ house. It's Fenris's and he does not like magic used around him. Since we are borrowing his house to do lessons in we have to respect his wishes on that."

Again the sheer selflessness of this woman astounded him. Even now she cared enough about him to worry over his feelings while she was doing him a favour.

"Ah . . . umm . . . are you really going to teach me to read?" It must have cost the girl greatly to ask the question if the way she was curling in on herself and the tension now screaming off her was any indication. Hawke went back to taking on whatever she was scrubbing on the floor, giving the girl time to collect herself as she answered with warm assurance.

"Yes of course. I said that I would, didn't I? And if I can teach someone as stubborn and pigheaded as Fenris, I should have no trouble teaching you." Nodding at the, now defeated spot on the floor, she scooted her (shapely ass) back a few inches to start on the next section of floor. He shook his head. Thoughts like that were going to get him in trouble, of the seductive, hot, sweaty, mind-blowing kind. It was the mind-blowing part he wanted to avoid and thankfully Orana once again saved him from his thoughts.

"How did he learn to clean?" turning from the shelves to look at Hawke and the hard working dog, that seemed to assist her in all things. Now if the animal could only learn to write the group would never again have to listen to her complain about doing her monthly account statement. A small laugh at that and she held her hand out to the dog, who dropped the cloth into her hand so that Orana (and himself watching from the door) could see that the cloth was fixed in to a smooth shaft of wood.

"My mother and Bethany did one summer. They had my father make this handled rag for him so he wouldn't have to put a dirty cloth in his mouth. Carver had to do Bethany's outdoor chores for a whole month because he bet the dog couldn't learn."

A sad smile on that usually cheerful face and he could _feel_ his arms ache to go in there and hold her till the pain was chased away. Calen saved him from the temptation by bumping her arm with his head and demanding attention.

"Such a considerate Gentleman." She told him softly rubbing behind his ears and causing his tail to start dusting the next part of the floor. "Put Carver in his place that day didn't you?" A small sigh escaped those lips (and he had to forcibly shove his thoughts away from other sounds he'd pulled from them) as she turned to check behind her and see how much was left and saw him watching them. The smile when she saw him was warm and seemed to light up the eyes watching him. Damn it the woman was turning him into a sap! He'd never noticed things like that before and even if he had he would never had put it so . . . girly.

"_Fenris_." A wealth of emotion and **longing **in that voice, but before he could say anything, she shook her head and it was wiped clean off her face, which gave him pause to wonder how much of her constant cheer was honest, and how much an act so her family, and now the rest of the troupe wouldn't have cause to worry about her. "Can I ask you another favour?" he tilted his head to the side to show he was listening. "We are running out of soap and polish. Do you think you could run to the market and buy some for us? We are not exactly presentable enough to go shopping in the Hightown market. Please also take Calen with you, it isn't good for him to breath in so much dust."

A small nod as he headed toward the women slowly and held out his hand for the few silvers the task would take. Instead she tipped her whole coin pouch into his hand, a hundred gold or more, all too careful to avoid touching him.

"Again please take your time, there's more dust in here then I thought. If you see anything else that might help with our lessons or in making the room easier to work in, please feel free to pick it up. Also you might want to consider getting the grocer to start bring some small groceries here. I intend to start doing lesson every other day rather than every third . . . work permitting of course."

A sigh escaped but he did manage to nod at her rather than rudely demand to know if she thought sleeping with him made him her servant. He knew she didn't think that and since she'd gotten so dirty trying to help yet another slave (and tiding his house) it seemed a small thing for her to ask, more so since she was providing the money. A short "Ah!" of barely there sound stopped him before he was out the door and he turned to face the other young woman in the room, with what he hope was a small reassuring smile, to avoid farther scaring the skittish girl.

"Have you thought of something else I should pick up Orana?" he couldn't make his voice warm like Hawke could but he could manage blank. He tried to wait patiently while the girl wrung her hands and took several deep breaths for courage.

"Ah . . . umm . . ." she trailed of helplessly lifting her eyes from her feet to look at Hawke helplessly. The mage just smiled at her before shaking her head.

"Nope, you thought of it and so _you_ have to ask." Hawke told her with a small smile that did nothing to ease the steel that had been in her voice when she'd given her edict. Calen slid under the girl's hand and her fingers instantly clenched in his fur, his bulk at her side seemed to give the girl the extra strength she needed.

"Messere Fenris? Would . . . would it be alright if we also cleaned out the kitchen? That . . . way Mistress Hawke and I could make breakfast here, and we could start lessons over it and then, on day when the two of you are not so busy I could make lunch right after. "

The question tumbled out of her mouth fast and with no small amount of stumbling, so it took him a second to unravel it. When he did he took a few more minutes to ponder it. Hawke's mother had made no secret of the fact that she felt he needed to eat more, going so far as to bring or send food to his house at least once a day if she knew he was home. It was an opinion that he knew Hawke shared, so was this really Orana's own idea and honest nervousness, or had Hawke asked the meek woman to ask for her. Having gone back to cleaning the floor during the two elves exchange he could not read Hawke's face to know the answer, so he was left to read his answer off Orana's face. She seemed very nervous but sincere in her question and so he nodded.

"I suppose."

A fairly safe answer he figured. One that would let him back out later if he found he did not like the women spending so much time in the mansion.

OXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

He took his time wondering around the market seeing if there was anything that would help with the lessons and ending up using Hawke's money to buy a plain, but sturdy table in oak that was 6' x 6'. Small enough he could drag it in himself when the merchant's men delivered it in a week but not so small as to make them uncomfortable. He also found some more ink and an abacus so that Orana could also learn numbers. He then followed the dog to the two shops that had the items Hawke had actually requested, finding the simple, clean smelling Fereldan soap Hawke preferred and some cherry scented polish, because the merchant had sold all the other kinds for that day. He had just finished ordering the _very_ basics from the grocer when the bad part of the day found him.

"So, finally decided to clean out that hidey hole of yours then, Broody? And here I was hoping Hawke would have to offer sexual favours for _that_ miracle to occur. Haaa my heroine will just have to go without a knight –in-shining armour for a while longer."

He knew it was the dwarf without turning around, and barely held back his groan of frustration at all the busy-body questions he would shortly be on the end of, so that the dwarf could be assured that his stories were at least close to true . . . sometimes. . . . when it was dirty. Making sure his face was as blank he turned around to find not only the dwarf, but the other elf in their group slightly behind him, ball of yarn clutched in her hand.

"No. Not that's it's any of your business but, Hawke is."

"Hawke? As in our fearless leader, Hawke? Is _cleaning_ your house?"

For once the dwarf looked truly surprised which meant he hadn't seen Hawke since the weekly Wicked Grace night two evenings prior. So that meant the dwarf had simply been teasing him with his earlier statement, not that he thought Hawke would have told him but . . .

"Yes, but just the one room. She wants to teach Orana how to read and thought that she would be more comfortable with learning to read with someone else in the room. Since I can translate anything she doesn't understand into Arcanum and the mansion is close to Hawke's she asked me." Which he thought was a believable enough excuse without admitting to his own weakness, and would give him an excuse for having to be there during all the lessons.

"Oh good! That poor little thing reminds me of a rabbit, always so nervous. I think it'll be good for her to get out of Hawke's house some more." A pause as something occurred to her. "Do you have a little extra time Fenris?"

"Why?" He growled at the blood mage. She just blinked owlishly up at him, always puzzled by his constant dislike where she was concerned.

"Oh! Well, I have oil the Dalish make out of plants and herbs that makes a room smell nice. No magic involved I promise. In fact I make it for the vendors in the Alienage to sell for some extra money. If you guys can walk me back home I'll give you a bottle and then the room won't smell of dust."

"Good idea Daisy! Come on Broody. Let's go, since the women are doing you a favour you can give them this so that they know you appreciate their effort."

OXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

They had gotten the dining room done and had started on the kitchen (which since Fenris had to use it on occasion, wasn't completely horrible.) in the three hours that had passed since Fenris had left. The door slammed, however instead of the deep, smooth voice she was expecting to her, a gravelly, yet strangely light voice called out to them.

"Hawke, you still here?"

"Varric?" Hawke called back. Poking her head out the kitchen door into the front hall, sure enough, there stood Varric, Merril and behind them Fenris. They each held a full basket of _stuff_, though Hawke could not see the items she'd asked Fenris to bring back with him and Varric's back-pack also seemed to be full.

"Hawke!" Merril cheered cutting off her ponderings and heading over to the other mage. "Oh look at how dirty you are! And your poor clothes! Stay here and I'll dash to Anders he has this potion he uses to clean blood and other things off his clothes after hard healings." With a nod she headed for the door, only to pause half out of it. "Oh! Varric? Can you come with me so I won't get lost?"

Without waiting for his answer she headed over and proceeded to drag him along by the wrist.

"HEY! Daisy wait! My bags still here and full!"

"I know. Hawke can unload it while we're gone and it should be ready when you get back."

OXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

His life fell into something of a routine of after that. Every other morning he was roused from sleep by two sleepy female voices and the smell of breakfast. After that they'd sit down to eat and begin lessons, mostly reading but sometimes they did numbers. More for Orana then him, Denarius had made sure his _pet_ could do basic math. Why waste such a brilliant tool when it could be sent down to the docks to collect important packages? Slowly and almost without his notice the mansion he was staying in was beginning to feel like a home. Orana would wander over on her days off sometimes, when Hawke was out working without him, and have him try some of the new dishes she made before she put them on her Mistress's table. He would have worried about that but the girl seemed to take it as a matter of pride that people said she was the best cook in Hightown, and told him often that the people who treated her cruelly, got grabby with her or called her "knife-ear" were rudely escorted out of the mansion by the Lady of the manor herself and informed that she no longer cared to associate with close-minded fools.

Today was not regular day. He was reading (or trying to read) the Book of Shartan, when his front door banged open and slammed close. Late as it was he would have figured it was Hawke, except that the nearly growled swearing was in Arcanum and Hawke hadn't learned to speak it yet. His suspicions were confirmed when Orana stormed into the study room and marched over to him, grabbing the wrist still covered with the remnants of Hawke's sheet.

"What do you want, Orana?" his voice deadly calm as he tried to hold his temper. Her eyes snapped to his as she let go of his hand, poking her finger at him. Her voice equally calm in her anger.

"You are _going_ to make this right and you're going to do it right **now**. The Templar's are willing to ignore a lot, but I do not think they will be able to over look the Mistress if she flash fries some noble."

"What?" Now he was just confused. For starters Hawke never needed saving, and since when did Orana learn to be . . . what was Varric's word? Riled.

"Go right now and save the Mistress from a grabby, blackmailing suitor, or I swear I will tell Varric how you abandoned her when she needed you the most."

He growled at the girl but still vanished from his spot using his curse to ghost to Hawke's door without being seen, which was too bad for the Templar peering in Hawke's living room window hoping for a show. He was dead before he even knew Fenris was there and gave the ex-slave a clear view of the room. HIS Hawke had been backed into a corner by some slime ball noble that Fenris had seen following her around the last couple of days. Anger rising he pulled on the markings again and walked through the wall just in time to hear what Hawke was being blackmailed with.

"Now strip you Dog-Lord tease or I will have the Templar outside come in and arrest you as the dangerous Apostate you are." A pause and a lecherous smirk tossed at the cornered mage. "How will you protect your boy-toy slave from the gallows?"

"He's _not_ a slave!" Hawke growled back at the man, lightening bringing to crackle around her hands. For a second he was shocked. Out of all he said she was mad the man called him a slave?

"He will be you Bitch if you don't do what I tell you! Now-"A gurgle filled the room as Fenris cut off the blood flow to the heart and the body dropped to Hawke's feet. Her eyes followed the body's descent before rising to his chin. The sight bothered him, as it was something every slave learned to do. Look at somebody without meeting their eyes, but why would Hawke act like he would hurt her?

_More then I already have?_

"Fenris." For the first time his name fell out of her mouth a totally blank sound, devoid of the warmth that had always been in it. "Thank you for your help. Although I think someone will notice if he doesn't make it home."

"Not if they both go missing. They will figure he was an apostate who killed the Templar trying to escape."

"Well I'm so glad you have it all figured out, but what about-" She clamped her mouth shut before she could finish the sentence and tossed herself into the chair in front of the fire. "Can I get you something to drink? I think there is still some of Varric's brandy left."

He nodded before waving for her to stay sitting and heading over to pour the drink himself, leaning against the fireplace mantle as he took in the very strange night he was having.

"How often Hawke-"He began slowly, "Does someone threaten you with my freedom to force you into bed with them?"

"My, don't _you_ think highly of yourself?" The words were bitter and angry and since she was no longer looking at him he would bet that he was right. "In case you missed it he threatened to take my freedom, and make ME a slave _first_, by turning me over to the Templar outside remember. Oh wait! I forgot you agree that everyone born a mage should be slave, as were all just evil monsters, waiting to happen!"

Her voice was on the shrill side when she finished speaking, and she was now standing in between the chair and him, chest heaving and something that looked suspiciously like tears shinning in her eyes.

He opened his mouth to speak, but she flinched back from him and dropped her eyes to the floor, hand coming up between them as if to ward off whatever blow he was about to deal her.

"Forgive me Fenris that . . . was out of line. Please forget that I said anything. This encounter has bothered me more than I thought and I think I shall just go to bed. Please feel free to stay and finish your brandy. I'll see you in the morning for reading lessons."

Eyes still glued to the floor she strode out of the room and the scrabble of claws that followed told him that Calen had already brought Orana back from his house and had followed his master to bed. A minute later Orana filled the doorway eyes sad as she took in the body.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you Messer Fenris but . . . but for once I wanted to save her, the way she always saves me. This has been happening more and more since she bought the mansion and had Varric put it in your name."

A bow in his direction as she scurried out of the room and up the stairs to her bed, leaving Fenris with more then he wanted to think about . . . and bodies to clean up and make disappear.

Chapter End

Okay there will be more chapters, at least three are even already written out ( I like to write things on paper first, i know so old fashioned of me . . but it's let's me see the whole story and read it so i know what to add and take out. ) but as i hate to type you may have to wait awhile for any others, and they may not be in order. Have a good day eveyone!

Ja ne, Kat


	2. Letters From the Heart

Letters from the Heart

Or

The Stubbornness of Mages.

Wow ummm, okay this got added to a lot of Favourites which I'm grateful for. So here This chapter is for you! Though next time I'm holding out for more reviews =}.

I have one typed up that's before this one but I like this one soo much better and one of these days I'll get the other one fixed to a point that I like it. Till then this one is fun, because Zevran is ALWAYS fun. Just a Reminder that even though Hawke is a mage it is BETHANY that survived. And I think Zevran sound like someone who speak formally, and creative choice.

Please forgive any mistake i have no beta . . . so it's just me trying to catch'em all =)

Enjoy!

XOXOXOX

Bethany Hawke stormed down the Keeps halls in a foul mood. The normally cheerful and taciturn girl annoyed past sanity by her recruits that kept whining about how '_unfair_' all the secrecy was and how they _never_ would have joined if they had known.

After listening to it for the whole two hours (All while trying to teach Circle mages how to heal **during** a fight rather than waiting till after.) she had finally dismissed them, but only after after giving them all a stern lecture of at having been giving the choice to _**choose**_. Then to top it all off, when she had finally gotten back to her room in Amaranthine Keep she had found another blasted, blight-cursed letter laying on her bed.

Which brought her thoughts back to where she was now, stomping down the halls toward Stroud's office, where she proceeded to pound on the door.

"Enter." A stern, commanding voice that usually calmed her down, or failing that, scared her into doing as commanded.

"Captain Stroud." She said as she waited for him to finish signing the paper he was on.

"Bethany Hawke. I was going to seek you out later to ask you about a early dismissal you gave our new Circle recruits this morning?"

"Oh yes, I dismissed those frightened, complaining and _**unfocused**_ recruits because I could not stand **ONE MORE MINUTE** of their incessant _whining!_ Then when I head to my room to calm down I am greeted with _**THIS!**_"

She tossed the plain white envelope stating only 'Bethany Hawke, Grey Wardens.' In neat cursive on the outside on to the top of his stack of papers.

"I have asked _repeatedly_ not to receive these anymore. I don't care what you do with them, burn, them for all I care. Or if you want political connections to her then _you_ open them, read them and write her back, but I REFUSE TO!"

Her piece said and burden gotten rid of, she wrenched the door open, only to collide with a slim, muscular, warm body. With a tart "Ex**cuse** me." Over her shoulder to the rude eavesdropper she tried to move around him. He only put his body back in her path letting her run into him again as he reach forward with both hands, one around her wrist and the other to take the letter from where Stroud offered it. With a cheerful salutations over _his_ shoulder he began tugging her through the maze of halls. It gave her time to actually **look** at him. He was an Elf, with braided gold-blonde hair. His body a lithe thieves build and the flashes of his eyes showed them to be a gold-green eyes.

"Excuse me, but where do you think you're taking me? "She demanded of him as she tugged on her arm to get her point across. He stopped briefly and turned slightly to face her, all wihtout letting go of her wrist.

"Ah! Forgive me, my lovely lady. I seem to be remiss in my manners. I am taking you to see the Commander of this fort. She would like to speak to you and has requested your presence in her office."

A empty smile tossed in her direction before he began dragging her through the halls once more.

"But . . . but the Commander of the Grey here is . . ."

"My Cryn." A wealth of warmth and feeling in that voice now and Bethany was a little jealous of any woman that should be so loved.

"I thought the Commander of the Grey here was the Hero of Fereldan." Bethany said confused. He snorted rudely at her question.

"And you, of course, like all the other simpletons here, believe this is the name her parents _gave_ her?" The question was quietly mocking and put like that Bethany did feel pretty silly for asking. Before she could respond to his taunt however he was stopping in front of a pair of embossed double door and without waiting to be granted entry or hell even pausing to knock pulled them both into the rather simple office. A square stone room with Grey Warden motifs on nearly everything, even the rugs, which sat under the desk and the long meeting table on the left side of the room.

"My Warden, I have brought you-" Here he used his grip on her arm to propel her in front of him. "Bethany Hawke. As you requested."

And Bethany was left to stand on her own before the other woman. She was smaller than Bethany had pictured the Hero to be. She hit, if she was lucky, 5 foot and was slim, but with curves in all the right places. Delicate, was the word Bethany would have used to describe her, with platinum hair done up in a tightly braided bun on the top of her head. The unnerving part for Bethany was the startling blue eyes the same colour as her sister's and just a determined.

"Commander? You wanted to see me?" A timid question which made the other woman arch one fine eyebrow as she continued to read the paper in front of her.

"Hawke-"

"Bethany." She shot out on reflex and before she could think better of it as those eyes snapped up to hers and pinned her in place.

"I beg your pardon?" It was asked rather incredulously and Bethany had a flash back to being six, standing in her mother's kitchen and foolishly interrupting her mother's lecture. Well, she _wasn't_ six anymore and this woman should consider herself **lucky** to have a healer of Bethany's Calibre among her ranks.

"**MY** name is Bethany. Hawke is my father or older sister."

"Is that so? My . . . well you _certainly_ told me." It was snide and Bethany could think of only one come back that would not get her charged with insubordination.

"Yes Commander."

"Well aren't we High and Mighty. Tell me . . . _Hawke_," and the name was said as though she was speaking down to a 3 year old. "Why am I receiving letters from your sister inquiring as to the state of your health? _I_ was under the impression she wrote you regularly."

Bethany was sure her mouth was hanging open. She could simply not _believe_ the nerve of her sister. Here she was, once again in trouble because of something _MARION HAWKE_ had chosen to do.

"She does, which in **no way** implies that I write her back."

"You? You who are so keen on lecturing others on the importance of _free choice_?" The last words were hard and caused Bethany's breath to sigh out in relief. If _that_ was all this was about she'd just apologize and get it over with.

"My Apologize Commander. I will not let my personal feelings get in the way of my teaching again." She manage to get out between gritted teeth. The male that had dragged her to the office, moved from beside her to lean casually against the desk, angling his body to face the Commander.

"She reminds me a great deal of someone else who felt the world was arrayed against him, does she not, My Warden?"

She flashed him a warm smile that lit those blue eyes in a way Bethany had never seen her sister's do.

"Indeed. Tell me . . . _Hawke_, why all this ire against your sister?"

"Is that an order **Commander**, or can I respectfully decline?"

"No, it's not an order exactly, but I feel I must ask when it interferes with your own day to day work, and Stroud's and now even mine."

It was an order then, no matter how politely it was phrased, Bethany thought angrily.

"She FORCED me to come here! Forced me to be . . . to be THIS!" Bethany just held back her wince as her last word echoed shrilly off the rooms stone walls. The golden elf shot her a disgusted look before shaking his head and standing straight.

"Forgive me, My Warden, but I find that I can listen to no more of this self-righteous self pity." His piece said he headed back out the doors they had come through which left Bethany staring into disapproving bright blue eyes. A look she had seen _many_ times on her sister's face.

"It will surprise you to know, I'm sure, that **I** am a Circle raised mage. All those choices you harped about to those poor children, and they _are_ children regardless of age, because a Circle mage never gets to make a choice. You simply are not allowed to make any, the Maker says so. Even the littlest thing like what you will wear is chosen for you by the Templar's and always denotes your rank. Even when your daily lessons and chores are done you may not go outside, you may not even play if there is not a Templar supervising. So you will have to forgive me if I have more sympathy for their case then for yours."

She waited a minute as Bethany absorbed those words and watched as just the thought of life like that caused her face to pale.

"Now I read the report Stroud gave me on how he came to find you in those tunnels, will you tell me, since it seems to be missing in _this_ report, when exactly were you _**forced**_ to become a Grey Warden?"

The question was asked rationally and she seemed genuinely interested, but the whole thing disturb Bethany for some reason, she felt like the other woman was a cat waiting outside the mouse hole to gobble her up.

"She handed me over to him like I was a sack of grain" Bethany managed to force out.

"And were you unconscious when this happened?" Again the voice was calm and reasonable, like Bethany was a small child she was taking for a walk. 'Now come this way dear.'

"No, I was not."

"So you were awake and aware of what was going on?" An edge hidden in that voice now.

"Yes Commander."

The petulant answer had the elf slamming her hands down on her desk, papers scattered. Her power filled the room till it became hard to stand and everything became covered in a thin sheet of frost and lightening crackled around her arms. Here then, was the original meaning of the word Magister, and Bethany was in awe of her control even in her anger.

"So tell me then _Bethany_-"And her name came out sounding twisted, dark and mocking. "How exactly were you **FORCED**?"

The question caused her mind to stumble and she could only stutter uselessly for a minute before falling silent under that glare. No place for anything thing but truth now in the face of the anger.

"You truly are _just_ like King Alistair. How could this happen to _me_? Tell me what to do _now_ because I don't want to deal with the repercussions of being wrong."

She paused to watch Bethany take in those words before continuing.

"YOU _had_ a choice Bethany Hawke and your choice was NOT TO CHOSE!" Bethany flinched back from the truth in those words, in that voice, till her back hit the door, now frozen shut behind her. "But a choice _still_ had to be made. So, by keeping quiet, urging your sister, in fact, to hurry up and choose for you in Stroud's report, you **FORCED** your sister to make the choice for you, so that you could have someone to blame if it didn't go the way you liked it."

"I DIDN'T . . . I was only . . ." Bethany's words trailed off as the other woman stood up and walked around her desk, the lightening in her arms sinking in to her and making her body glow as she unsheathed the long sword from her back and held it with ease at Bethany's throat. A magic warrior and here Bethany had thought it only a myth.

"I AM the Hero of Fereldan because people like you refused to make their own choices, or worse, refused to own up to the mistakes they had made. So all of those hard choices were dumped on me and I was forced to make the decisions, as I imaging they often get dumped on your sister. One of the most difficult choices I had to make involves this very keep. Stay here and defend it? Or go and save the town? Only enough man power to do one, and so the town burned because I could not afford to let this Keep fall."

A short breath as a cold blankness filled her eyes. The woman she had been talking to vanishing beneath the Commander whose choices decided life or death for other people every day.

"So here we are back at the beginning, and you are yet again faced with the same choice you _forced_ your sister to make. Are you going to chose to live out the rest of your 30 odd years of life left to you to its fullest or shall I run you through right _now_ and get the hell back to my day. I'm sure I could write a very convincing letter to your sister, ambushed tragically on a mission, my most heartfelt apologies for her loss. Do remember **this** time Bethany it IS your choice. You will never again be able to truthfully blame your sister."

A breath, a heartbeat, maybe even a lifetime before Bethany finally managed to speak and the words were not what she had planned to say.

"I like apple pie." She paused to try and steady her breathing as the Commander looked quizzically at her. "I love dancing in thunderstorms and jumping through the puddles they make and currently I like mucking up the order of the papers on Captain Stroud's desk, because his grumbling and swearing remind me of my home in Lothering."

She straightened her back and felt the sword nick her neck as she finally raised her brown eyes to meet those too bright blue eyes.

"I chose life, Commander, because if you kill me there won't be anything to _like_ anymore and I would rather not add my life to the pile you already seem to carry.

Just like Marion's, those eyes lit with a smile that didn't quite reach her mouth and the sword was placed back in its sheath.

"A wise choice to make Bethany. May I point something else out to you?"

"You mean you're not done scaring me to death yet?" Bethany pouted at the Commander, which caused the woman to shake her head as she turned and headed back to her desk and pulling out a large stack of papers and letting them thump down on her desk.

"Of course not, I'm a 'yank the bandages off all at once' kind of woman. Now tell me, do you remember you parents and siblings? Could you tell me their names if I asked?"

It was such an odd question that Bethany just nodded.

"I couldn't return the favour. Once the Circle takes you your family ceases to exist. I don't even know if I ever had siblings. But you Bethany, you have a chance to get to know yours. Can you tell me what you _sister_ likes? What is it that makes her get out of bed in the morning?"

Bethany opened her mouth, but shut it again almost instantly. Her sister had only always done what was asked and expected of her. She watched her siblings and helped work the farm. Bethany had not even seen her sister distracted by a male till Fenris had strode down the stairs toward their group and he was also the only time she didn't do as their mother expected and not see him anymore. The only thing Bethany had seen that came even close to lighting up her sister face, like the male elf that had left lit up the Commanders, was. . .

"Her Mabari." A sigh as how pathetic that sounded sunk in. This was the same sister that had protected Bethany her whole life, who had been willing to turn herself over to the Templar's to save her and Bethany didn't even know if she preferred sunrise or sunset? "Oh . . ."

A kind smile on the elf's face as she nudged the stack of papers toward Bethany.

"So take these and _actually_ read them. You have a chance to get to know your sister beyond who she pretended to be, _had_ to be to keep her family safe. I have arranged for you to have the next two days off. An old friend of mine will be taking over your class while she passes through and she has _lots_ of practice training Circle mages."

"What is her name?" Bethany asked before she could stop herself.

"Wynne, and before you ask, she likes books and paintings and for some reason chowder. The people that helped me save Fereldan are my family and my reward for a job well done and I write them as often as I possibly can manage, even King Alistair. Because without them neither I or Fereldan would still be here today. You can't do all I did without help. Your class is also going to be moved to the afternoon. Stroud as decided your decent enough in a fight that he thinks you should learn more than basic defence. You lessons will be with Nathaniel Howe in the mornings and he will teach you to fight with a double bladed stick, right after breakfast. You are now . . . **finally** dismissed, Hawke."

A cheery salute as she exited the room and tried, once again, to move past the elf leaning against the wall opposite the double doors.

"So, will the Sunshine be returning then?" He asked with a small smile, holding up his own envelope with the name Zevran written on it in Varric's blocky script.

Her answering laugh was as free and easy as it had been before the blight and wiped the smug smirk off his face.

"He really **does** know _everybody_ doesn't he?" A shake of her head that set her dark curls bouncing. "Tell him that it's starting to peak back out through the clouds and that this had better NOT make it into any of his tales."

With that she headed back to her room feeling lighter then she had in awhile, papers clenched in her fists. She had some reading to do.

OXOXOX

Whew. Okay done. And you may have to wait like a week for the next one I'm on rotation this week and till about Wednesday. So nothing but working and sleeping will make my must have list, with meals tossed in here and there to spice things up.

Have a good week everyone!

I still don't own it.

And I have to confess the quote Bethany gives about not having anything to like anymore comes from the HBO show Dead Like Me. About the same choice.

Ja ne

Kat


	3. The Power of Names

The Power of Names

Wow okay since was on vacation I typed this one up for you guys, but I have to confess I normally don't update this fast, so please bear with me. I fixed some of the mistakes in the last chapter, thank you T.I.M enchanter for kindly saying to re-read it. Like I said I have no Beta so it's just me. So here you go more angst from our favourite Elf! (After Zevran of course.)

P.S This is my FIRST attempt at out and out Porn so please be a little kind but still truthful when you let me know how I did. And by the way . . . OH MY GOD I"M SO EMBARASSED!

OXOXOXOX

Names, her father had told her, had their own power. Power beyond spells, bindings and magic, names helped define people and their sense of self. Curses were often worked off names and blood. She was a Hawke, and hawks like doves and wolves, mate for life. Be careful, he had told her late one night, about who she shared her heart and her body with and how she treated that person, they may be the only person to pull at her interest.

"I hate when he's right!" Hawke snarled at her fireplace in the main hall. It and the fire in her bedroom were the only lights still visible. The rest of the house had gone to bed hours ago. She had gotten home late from yet another date with some noble to the Viscount's birthday celebration. She had been done with him almost as soon as he had come to her door. He had spent most of the night talking to her cleavage and the rest asking what she and Varric had money invested in. Her well-trained eyes had also caught taunting flashes of glowing blue and silver on the walk to the keep and back, but he had vanished while she had been fending off her suitor's attempt to charm his way in to her bed.

"So _he_ doesn't want me . . . but he doesn't want anyone else to have me either." A long sigh for things that could not be as, she reached down to pet the Mabari that had been listening to her rant from his regular place in front of the fire. "Good night Calen, hopefully tomorrow things will look better."

She headed upstairs and shut the door to her room, spell-locking it to keep things out and sound in, as she did so. If she wanted to indulge in a few tears before bed there was no reason for her sobs to wake the household.

"Or if I want to scream about the idiocy of men why should Orana be disturbed by it?" she pondered out loud as she slowly undid the buttons that held her noble outfit together and slid it down her body before tossing it over her changing screen, to stand in front of the fireplace in only her corset and thong.

"Why indeed?" The words were a midnight whisper in her ear that made things low in her body clench and goose bumps to form on her skin in anticipation of his touch, moisture beginning to collect between her thighs.

"_Fenris_." It fell from her lips unbidden on a needy moan. Which, she fought to remind herself wouldn't do at all. Fighting her body's reaction to him she started to raise her hands and turn to face him, only to find both movements halted as his still gauntleted hands closed around her wrists indenting, but not breaking, her skin.

"Do not even think about it." This time the sentence was punctuated with a nip at the junction of her neck as he moved her toward her bed backwards. "Hands on the bed post, above your head."

"And why should I-"

She started to tell him off, but one of his, now free hands, had moved to the ties on the side of her corset, and giving to strings a tug, caused another wave of want to pass through her and her thong to become soaked.

"It is late and since I watched to make sure you arrived home safely I figured you would need help with this. As you already said, why should Orana be disturbed when I am already awake and able to help?"

It was a reasonable request breathed into the side of her neck, and she would have agreed, had it been anyone else but Fenris . . . but it was Fenris, who wanted nothing more than her friendship. Her paused had caused him to smirk, and she could feel his lips twitch in the crook of her neck as he breathed his challenge out.

"Afraid of the big, bad wolf are we?"

A dare, one that he _knew_ she would never refuse.

"Of you? Of course not." She said trying to feign a calmness she did not feel. As she bent forward slightly to show him what he was missing as she place her hands where instructed. "There. Are you happy? Now untie me and-"

Her sentence was cut off as, faster then she could follow, her wrist were secured to the bedpost by a length of black rope that seemed to absorb light and pulled on her magic slightly.

"Fen-"

He answered her question before she could finish asking.

"It is used in Tevinter to keep a leash on slaves that have their own magic as it absorbs it so that magic cannot be cast."

Her eyes widened at the implications and almost without thought she tried to use her telekinesis spell to undo the bonds, not use to not being in charge of a situation. Nothing. As soon as she started to gather magic it got pulled into the rope. Worse she was facing away from him and now his hands were free. A point he made sure to bring to her attention by running his hands along the underside of her breasts.

"It is very rare. It took me some time to figure out a way to have this-"at this point his hands moved from teasing her down her sides to the junction of her legs which he used his knuckles to spread. A dark chuckle escaping at how wet she was already. "All to myself again. The smell of your arousal is intoxicating as soon as I spoke I could smell it, as though your body _knew_ who it was."

He stepped to her side and seemed to be enjoying the picture she made, eyes starting at the top of her head and going all the way down to her feet, the whole time the back of his hand brushing against her folds.

"Now," he told her, hands coming back up to her chest to grab the front of her corset knuckles brushing the bare skin there. "This is a lovely piece, but I know it will look better-"

A breathless shriek escaped her mouth as his gauntlets tore the front of her corset to expensive ribbons that fell to pool on the floor, leaving her exposed to him from the top of her garter belt up. "on your floor."

She whimpered softly then as the cold air came up to surround her, causing her nipples to harden to a nearly painful point which was made worse as one cool, metal tipped finger came up to carefully trace a circle around everywhere but where she most wanted him to touch her.

"_Fenris_." There was defiantly pleading in her voice now, but she was too preoccupied by what he was doing to her to care. If pleading would keep him touching her than that was what she would do.

"Hmmm, still talking are we? Let me see if I can remedy that."

He raised his hands to the rope and she had a brief hope that he would undo her, but he had tied her too carefully. One knot around her wrists and another, completely different knot that held her to the bed, the latter being the one he undid.

Keeping hold of her tied wrists, he spun her to face him, causing her to shudder slightly as her breasts rubbed along to rough fabric of his tunic. It, his pants and those gauntlets were all he was wearing, which did nothing to hide the growing bulge in his pants and she took advantage of their new positions to rock her hips against his, drawing a gasp from him with the action.

She opened her mouth to comment but his mouth descended on hers as soon as she opened it, tongue plunging inside and chasing her thoughts out of her head as his one free hand drifted lower to tease her again. He always tasted of magic to her. Old and wild, the kind you came across in ruins sometimes. Her tongue tangled with his trying to get as large as taste of him as she could and getting lost in the taste and feel of him after having denied her craving for him all these months.

She barely registered it when he tumbled them onto the bed. In fact she forgot everything _but_ him and what his hand and mouth were doing to her till her hands wound up above her head again. She might not have even noticed then, except that he pulled away from her, and with a whimper, she found she couldn't follow. Lifting her eyes to her wrist showed that the stubborn blasted elf had retied her to her _own_ headboard. She opened her mouth to protest when his lips closed softly around her nipple and all that managed to come out was a strangled moan. His hands yet again dragging down her sides in thin lines of cold that paused briefly at her waist before he used the sharp tips the nudge her legs apart again.

"One of these days, _Marion_." The sound of her name said in that gravelly voice pulled a soft cry from her lips. "You will tell me how it is you are so smooth and soft down here."

Each word of the sentence was punctuated with a kiss as he travelled down her body till he tugged her thong out from underneath her the pause, at her waist having been his gauntlets cutting her under things, which left her completely bare before him and still bound.

"Look at how wet you are for me, little predator bird."

Another pause to consider what he wanted to do next, as those cool metal fingers dragged lines up and down her thighs, letting his warm knuckles skim over that most sensitive and most aching part of her.

"You should learn that there is _always_ a better predator out there however _Marion_, and after all the work I put into catching you, my tasty little morsel, I may as well enjoy my feast."

She was about to point out that there was no food in her room when his mouth lower to that bundle of nerves and she gave a small scream at the feel of his tongue, warm and slick on her, as he kissed, nipped and even dragged his teeth across her, pulling as many sound from her as he could as her body quaked beneath his ministrations. She permitted him control her body without too much of a fight because she craved him and had since he'd walked down the stairs toward her and the past few months without his touch, even just simple ones, had left her with a growing coldness inside and a desperation only he could fix.

"**Beg me mage. ** Beg me to give you the release your body so desperately craves. I may even be kind and grant it to you. Though I wouldn't bet on it, you deserve all that I do to your body for putting it on display for other men." The dark tone and the anger in it caused her body to thrash under his.

"I . . . You . . ." She couldn't form the words. His hands had replaced his mouth and the skill was beyond her.

"Speechless for once? **Beg me mage, or I **_**will**_** hold your body on this edge all night.**"

She tried again to comply with his edict but her mouth just opened and closed uselessly, a whimper the only sound that managed to escape. He stared at her silently for a second before growling at her and lowering his head again. She tried to brace for the feel of it, but this time his tongue stabbed _inside_ her, hotter than when he moved in her and with its own wetness that she could feel as it worked its way inside her, his fingers slowing on her and he teased her to and from the release that would end her torment.

"_please."_ She finally managed to whisper to him with a great force of will. He raised his head to look at her as his, now bare fingers slowly worked their way inside her replacing his tongue, causing her to shift her hips in an attempt to force him inside her.

"_**PLEASE!**_"

The word a keening sound as his eyes lifted to glow up at her. Then he lowered his head and his fingers hit a _spot_ inside her that caused her vision to desert her as they moved slowly, oh so slowly as he licked her like she was his favourite flavour of ice cream and his free hand moved to ghost across her nipple. The sensations crashed through her and her body went taunt and almost over that edge, but something held her back.

"Please . . . Maker Fenris . . . _please_!"

He raised his head and brought it up to her ear, hands moving to keep her on that edge.

"Surrender your body to me _Marion_. Stop being stubborn and just give up your body to me. _GIVE!_"

The last was growled into her neck as his slightly sharper teeth bit down into the grove between her shoulder and neck, drawing blood for the first time since he had arrived that night. She screamed his name as that little bit of pain pushed her over the edge. The room lighten up with her magic as her release shattered the ropes that held her wrists and her hands instantly moved to hold his head close to her.

Before she could return to earth he filled her up with warm steel, driving her body back into frenzy as it worked to meet his frantic thrusts, taking as much of him into her body she could. Her hands found his hips and urged him into her harder and faster as her healing magic set his tattoos alight. He lowered his mouth to suck on the wound he had made on her shoulder and it allowed her magic filled them both up before spilling out into the room around them. She thought for a minute that she should pay attention, that it was important, but his hand came between their bodies and he reached down to brush his finger against that sensitive part of her and she came hard, vaginal walls clamping around him to hold him in place as the release of magic brought his own release, spurting hot inside of her, as he whispered her own name in her ear like a prayer.

"_Marion."_

XOXOXOXOX

She woke hours later, wonderfully sore and sated. The coldness that had been growing in her gone for the moment. She figured he was already gone, but as she reached for her robe his voice came from the other side of her room.

"I will figure out how to fix this between us, so that I do not have to risk my sanity."

He was, yet again standing in front of her fire, as if it would tell him where to find the answers he so wanted.

"I know you will." She told him simply.

"I cannot stay with you. Not until my memories are laid to rest and Denarius is dead by my hand."

"I know." She told him again. Only this time the word tasted like defeat in her mouth and she dropped her eyes so he would not see the disappoint shinning in them. It did her no good, as he ghosted across the room and used her chin to drag her eyes up to his.

"No. No, you really don't." He growled against her mouth, claiming it again until she relaxed against him. "You have no clue what it does to me to see you with other men. All dressed up for and smiling for them. You have no idea, how _very_ much I want to be able to kill them before dragging you up here and spending hours indulging in your body, until there is no room for anyone _but_ me. Until you _know_ and _admit_ that you **belong** to me and me alone."

"Too late." She whispered a little brokenly. "I've know that since you walked down those stairs, all cool confidence and power covered in the blood of the man you had just killed."

A slightly bitter laugh slipped out and she stopped it by taking a breath to draw his scent deep into her lungs.

"For the first time in my entire life I simply said yes. Any other time I would have thought about it for a second and then sent Bethany home. I didn't know you, for all I knew it could have been a Templar trap, as my mother pointed out to me later. For the very first time in my life though _nothing_ mattered more than spending as much time with you as possible, even if it was just a few minutes more. I thought I would die when you walked out of here after the last time. I increased your lessons because I could not just let you vanish as though you had never been." And there was her terrible secret. Yes she had wanted to help Orana but that was secondary to being able to be near him.

"Hawke." His gaze grew confused as the name drew a whimper of pain from her. "You affected me as well. Otherwise I would never have made such an offer. I would normally have assumed you would have turned me in for the _very_ large reward offered for my return, as everyone before you had.

This time it was he that drew a deep breath. Letting his forehead rest on hers before continuing.

"I was beyond surprised when, of all the males you and could have had, it was **I** you welcomed into your house, your bed and your beautiful body. I, who could not even offer you my real name, was given a gift a valuable as your trust. You cannot imaging my immense pleasure and shock when I finally slid into your body that night and felt that slight resistance. But Hawke, why did you not tell me you had never lain with a man before? I would have been more careful of you if you had told me."

"I was hoping it would go unnoticed. I am not made of glass Fenris and didn't want to be treated as such. I wanted you as you are and I wanted everything you were willing to give to me and I don't regret it. Besides-"She said softly. "It was kind of embarrassing to admit. How many grown women are still virgins?"

He took a minute to let the confessions sink in as he stared at her in disbelief.

"Blushing Hawke? I never thought to see it with the way you and Varric go on." The words put a smile on her face and gave him the courage to say the rest of what he had actually come to tell her. "Now, I do not want to see you in the company of other men. If there is a function for the Nobles ask Sebastian to escort you."

She closed her eyes and nodded. She hadn't wanted any of those men anyway and would probably have a better time with the lay-priest anyway.

"I will fix this, I promise Hawke."

"Fenris?"

"Yes Hawke?"

"I have to speak to the Arishock tomorrow . . . some kind of powders been stolen. Will you come with me?"

"Of course."

XOXOXOXOX

Done with a huge blush on my face and my boyfriend gapping at me like he's never seen me before. Oh well, I hope you guys liked it anyway.

Thank you to EVERYONE who put me on their alert and favourite lists. I hope this is a reasonable payment for it. Have a good weekend everyone!

And man am I getting good! I got Two of these posted, some of my Dissida flash-backs posted, and several new chapters in my Labyrinth set. Phew and I hate to type.

Ja ne

Kat


	4. I'm With You

This takes place after all the trouble with Pul and getting the artefact from the Keeper. I will answer the questions about the last chapter but not yet. I can't get it to . . . BE the way I want it. Sorry if that doesn't make sense to some people.

This however is my meagre offering in place of your answers . . . And hands up if you saw this coming from a mile away. I wanted to play with the idea of it though and I'm not done torturing poor Hawke just yet.

I have no clue when the answers to the last chapter will be up. I have other chapters written after this one but they don't tell you guys what you wanted to know.

XOXOXOXOXOXOX

.

I'm With You

.

.

The pounding on the door caused Merrill to ruin potion she'd been working on and she had half a mind to send whoever it was away. Sighing as the pounding came again she pushed herself away from her work table and headed toward the door. It burst open before she could get halfway across the room and Hawke burst in, wild eyed and dirty, looking like she hadn't slept in days.

_.  
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_Bethany's been hurt_

.

It was the first thought that went across the Dalish elf's mind at the state Hawke was in, little else could make the woman lose her stride.

"Hawke what-?"

The healer's magic aura fluctuated all around her and Merrill thanked the Creators that the other woman had not run across an on duty Templar in her dash to get to Merrill's. She would have set off all the magic detectors they had.

"I . . . I need a favour. No questions asked and not to be mentioned again."

Her voice was soft and it sounded like she'd spent a lot of time crying recently. It caused Merrill to just gap at her for a minute. The other mage was the most capable person the young Dalish knew and she needed a favour from a cast-off monster? What could she possibly need done?

"Sure, of . . . Of course, Hawke, but-"

The rest of what she would have said was cut off as Hawke closed the distance between them and placed Merrill's long, slim hand on her flat stomach.

"Tell me what you feel."

Eyes widening at the implications contained in the request, before Merrill took a deep breath and let them drift closed. She put all of her concentration into confirming what the other woman, being a healer, already knew. Strong and sure, the pulse of the tiny life was so strong it thrummed up the blood mage's arm.

"_**Oh**_. . ." she breathed out in awe and wonder. "Oh Hawke."

Fear and pain filled the other's eyes at the look in Merrill's.

"DAMMIT! I wanted to be wrong! Just this once! No, I have to go and be stupid right when this Qunari thing is about to blow up right in all of our faces!"

The glassy looked warned Merrill that Hawke was edging toward tears and being upset again would not be good for either of them, but Merrill had to know, since there was only one person Hawke would get that close to.

"What will you do Hawke? Does. . . Does _he_ know?"

Merrill whispered falling to her knees, not want to let go of the connection with Hawke just yet. She only shook her head slowly letting her own hands fall to hold Merrill's where the still rested.

"I didn't want to tell anyone until I had someone else confirm it. I would have gone to Anders but. . . . Then he might have gone off on some half baked idea to avenge my honour." A sad soft sigh at that, before she went on. "How long do elf pregnancies last?"

"A little over a year."

"So I will probably have longer then the regular nine months for humans."

"But Hawke what will you tell-"

"**I don't know!**" Hawke cut her off in a shout. "I'd really like _not_ to have to tell him, but I couldn't take his choice away like that . . . But I also don't want him to think I did it on purpose to trap him with it either . . . I . . .I . . . I simply don't know what I'm going to do."

She fell to her knees in front of Merrill and tossed her arms around the slight girl's neck. Without hesitation Merrill wrapped her arms tight around the other woman and held her, realizing for the first time how truly alone Hawke had been left. It should have been her sister here holding her for this! Better it should have been _Fenris_ since he'd helped to cause the trouble, but she was glad Hawke had come to her. She could have gone to Aveline or to Isabella; both would have had more experience with this kind of thing the Merrill, but Hawke and dragged her self clear across town to ask Merrill.

Which meant she had to take charge, Hawke would do the same for her if there positions were reversed. What would the Keeper have said to one of their clan in this state? She would suggest they come back to it later with a clearer head.

"For now Hawke go home and some elf root tea." Merrill started, falling in to her long ago lessons for this kind of thing. "It will help to stave off things like moodiness and morning sickness. Then I want you to take a few days and _forget_ about it as much as possible, no one makes a good choice upset. You can come back to it in a few days with a clear head and decided what you're going to do then okay?"

Hawke nodded and sat back on her heels. A small smile on her face as looked at Merrill.

"Okay and thank you for the reminder." Hawke whispered as she drew herself back together and stood. "Oh, and Merrill?"

"Yes Hawke?"

"I don't care what hurtful things your Keeper says about you. A monster wouldn't have cared enough to ask those hard questions of her friend or to offer comfort."

Merrill blinked at her stunned, as the warmth of those words stole over her, before Hawke ruffled her hair and saw her self out.

"Thank you, Hawke."

OXOXOXOXOX

Hawke stumbled into her manor a few hours later.

"Orana?"

"Yes Mistress?" The young elf called back wondering out of the kitchen kneading a piece of dough between her hands.

"While you're in there will you please make me some elf root tea? I have some of the left over elf root in the herb rack."

"Certainly, but may I ask why? I thought that it was mostly used by-"

"Orana? Please don't say it. Yes your quite right, but for right now it's a secret okay? No one can know."

A sad and far to knowing look filled the younger girls face at that, making her seem years older then Hawke knew she was.

"Are you not going to tell him?" Orana asked, rather boldly the ex-slave thought for all that she _had_ whispered the question.

"I will . . . Just not yet. Not until its . . . Real to me. For right now just you and Merrill know, so please, won't you keep this a secret for me? It will only be for a little while."

Orana could feel a pleased smile sliding onto her face. It spoke volumes that the mage would trust her with so important a secret. She let the smile fill her as she drew herself up straight.

"Yes, of course I will Mistress."

"Thank you so much Orana. I'm going to my room for a bit will you please do me a favour and bring the tea there? There is one other person I want to tell regardless of anything else that happens."

XOXOXOXOX

"Hawke."

She ground her teeth as the damnable gold elf filled her open doorway. If he wasn't so completely over the moon about the Commander she would have thought he was stalking her. Every time she turned around she was running into the man.

"I'm in the middle of a lesson plan right now, Zevran. Can whatever this is wait until later?"

He moved into her room and reached out to tousle her hair with one hand.

"Normally I would say yes. Maker forbids I disturb the Lady Hawke from her work, however the letter _was_ marked as urgent."

"Letter?" Bethany questioned. She had already received the one from her sister for this month. Who else would send her one?

"From your sister." He said as he set it down on the desk by her hand before turning to leave, closing the door behind him as he went. Bethany frowned down at the envelope. Her sister's normally neat and flowing script was sharp and erratic. She tore it open without further thought, had Marion been hurt?

_.  
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_.  
><em>

_Dear Bethany._

_I know that I already sent you a letter this month but something has happened that could not wait or maybe it is more that I __**would**__ not wait because telling you; my remaining family makes it all the more real to me. It should please you to know that the mighty have fallen far from grace. I'm pregnant. I didn't know who else to tell. I haven't even told the father yet. Please no lectures, I __**will**__ tell him, but I want to be past the miscarriage stage that all mages seem to have trouble with. I don't want to tell him and then have my magic overpower it and sweep it away. Since you are my family though I wanted you to know about it regardless of any magical mishaps that might happen._

…_...My love as always, your sister_

…_...Marion Hawke_

.

.

"Oh . . . Oh _Marion!_" Bethany gasped as her hands flew to cover her mouth and the letter landed open on the desk in front of her. Pregnant and with no one to help her, no matter how strong her sister was, there had to be times when the thought of that caused her overwhelming panic and pain. Without another though scribbled a note on the back of the letter to her sister quickly and dashed out of her room and down the halls to a now, very familiar pair of embossed doors. Knocking she tossed them open without waiting to be granted entrance. Three faces turned to regard her with a wide variety of emotions. Stroud's face clearly showed his displeasure at her interruption. Zevren's was filled with his almost overwhelming curiosity to know what had been in the letter. The Commanders held only amusement.

"Yes, Bethany? Can we help you with something?" The question was asked dryly and cut off whatever reprimand Stroud had been about to give.

"My sincere apologies Commander, but this will only take a minute."

.

_Sometimes my girl, you're going to have to strap some steel in your spine._

.

Her father had told her that once long ago. She straightened it now and put her shoulders back before striding across the room to stand in front of the assassin.

"Can you get a letter to Varric faster then the regular post?"

He blinked down at her for a second before nodding.

"I _can_, but you would owe me a favour for having it done."

"Done!"

Holding up the envelope he had just delivered to her, her own hastily scribbled note to Varric at the bottom of it, she magic it closed and handed it over to him.

"Make sure he gets that as soon as is possible please."

At his nod of agreement she turned to face her Commander.

"Is there a mission that goes near enough to Kirkwall, that I could go missing to there for a couple of hours?"

The petite elf just blinked at her for a moment before turning to Stroud, who shook his head at her. She smiled at him and turned back to Bethany.

"As a matter of fact Bethany, there is, and _you_ are the perfect excuse. Your sister travels with a mage named Anders does she not?"

Bethany nodded.

"Yes. He's a friend of ours and a very talented healer I must say. In fact, he gave us the map into the deep roads."

Her words caused a frightening blankness to settle on the Commanders face.

"Did he now? Stroud is going to Kirkwall to chase down some rogue talking Darkspawn that have been attacking the caravans near there. I think you wanting to visit your sister is a perfect excuse to check in on him."

"Check in?"

"He was made a Grey Warden at my insistence. If he loses control of his body to Justice the damage they cause will be on my head."

"You want us to stop and make sure that he's still sane . . ." Bethany breathed. She couldn't picture the kind warm healer they had meet as an abomination.

"Please. I was his comrade and friend once long ago. I even gave him a cat once." A sad smile on her face at those words, that Bethany worked hard to brighten most days.

"It would be my pleasure the also check in with my friend while I am visiting."

"Then please take a day and check in with him and your sister. Was the letter bad news?"

"Maybe . . . She's pregnant and a mage. More then that she's all alone there now. I just wanted to tell her . . . She really isn't."

Just like that, the smile brightened and the Commander shared it smile with the Assassin.

"No one ever really is Bethany. Sometimes we just need to find who _home_ is."

OXOXOXOXOXOXOX


	5. Crash and Burn

Crash and Burn.

Ja ne

Kat

I am really horribly sorry that you guys had to wait this long. My Labyrinth one-shots suddenly beat me over the head with ideas and I had a Kaze No Stigma story that wouldn't leave until my head till it was posted (honestly true, I swear to God.)

I'm still torturing Hawke. The poor woman, but hey I maintain that any woman willing to put up with Fenris has to be in to S and M.

I still haven't answered your questions! I'm evil like that but Man does Fenris fuck it all up this time. If I was Hawke I would never forgive this one. (it really deserves the swearing, it's THAT bad.) I re-read it afterwards and I was like "I can't believe he DID that!" Which is really odd cause I wrote it.

_YES_ I know the words used for the conversations aren't word for word from the game. That's the point of fan fiction, it's supposed to be your take on it. I know most of you don't care but I know someone will want to give me grief about it, there's always someone like that. Don't bother. I've heard it already. My cousin (whose been cheating and reading ahead out my notebooks) flipped about it already.

XOXOXOXOXOX

It had all gone to hell. Most of the city was in flames and the streets were filled with the screams of the dying as the Qunari tore the city apart looking for the thief Hawke had _allowed_ to escape. Something she was questioning with every step. Isabella was her friend but she wasn't sure that even her very important life was worth the lives of all these innocent people. Her friends must have been asking themselves the same question as almost all their eyes held resentment for the choice she had made.

It was Fenris, Anders and, surprisingly Sebastian who had chosen to stand at her back as she fought her way through the city toward the Viscount's office. She had sent Aveline to help Donnic organize the guards to save as many citizens as they possibly could, Merrill had dragged Varric off in a hurry to go evacuate the Alienage and. . . And Bethany and Stroud had promised to send reinforcements encase they didn't make it.

With all the stops they made to save the people they came across, killing not only Qunari but also looters and with her trying to avoid casting spells it took them longer then it should have to get to Hightown and it was just her luck that her first big spell of the night was witnessed by the Knight-Commander. At least she, Meredith and Orsino had managed to agree that saving the city came before all their petty squabbles. Of which there were _many_.

The frontal assault had let Hawke's group dodge into the building relatively unhurt and _just_ in time to be greeted by a head rolling past wearing the Viscount's crown of office.

"_**Serrah Hawke.**_"

And **there** stood the giant she had come all this way hunting. Bloody and far to pleased with himself for amount of terror he had caused the nobles he had ordered trapped in the room. Hawke had been losing the argument she been in with the stubborn male and only dimly heard the doors open, in fact she wasn't aware of anything changing till Isabella sauntered up beside her to return the Maker-cursed book. She had thought for a moment it was over, that he would take it and leave . . . and then he'd ordered his men to take her friend prisoner. Hawke had refused him without thought, moving to stand in front of the pirate and the men that had come with her had helped her form a protective circle around the other woman to face the rest of the room and the guards still in it.

"You can either give her to me Serrah Hawke or I _will_ begin this slaughter with you."

"Try me." She shot the words back at him, grateful that they sounded confident and sure when she was, quite honestly, afraid. She felt Fenris shift beside her and hoped to _whoever_ might be listening that he knew some obscure rule that would get them out of this in one piece.

"Wait. You have granted this woman Basalt-an and as such this matter can be decided with a duel between you."

A mirthless chuckle from the giant as Hawke fought the urge to gape at the elf standing confidently at her side. Had he changed his mind about them? Or did he really _truly_ believe she could win such a fight?

"If you truly understood the Qun elf, you would not suggest that I duel this . . . _woman_."

A derisive snort as Fenris shrugged, as if completely unsurprised by the answer he'd received.

"So you are refusing, in front of your men, to honour the rights _you_ have giving her by your own words and actions?"

A low growl of anger before a maliciously dark and triumphant smirk stretched across his face and he pinned her into place with the look in his eyes. He had **wanted** Fenris to suggest this match. He wanted to hurt and demean her because her actions had forced him to acknowledge a woman as _equal_ to him. And he was confidant that he would kill her easily.

"Well Serrah? Do you agree to this dual? If by some miracle you manage to kill me the others will leave peacefully. With me dead there will be nothing holding them to this town or this fight now that our Relic is returned."

Battle this almost 8 foot _GIANT?_ All alone without Fenris or Aveline to distract him while she cast her spells? For Makers sake the damage he could inflict on her with just one of his bare fists would kill the life she'd been so carefully taken care of well before she pumped her magic through her body.

It was fitting though, she thought dimly that, after all the heartbreak and damage her choice had caused that the last innocent life needed to end this was the one she most wanted to save. Fenris must have thought she was capable of doing this and the others were counting on her to stop this madness that had spread through the city, besides Calen growled at her feet and nudged her hand. _He _certainly thought they could handle this. A sigh as she shifted away from her group and that smirk grew with the victory he thought he was assured.

"I will."

He'd lunged for her with that huge sword drawn almost before she had finished speaking. She managed to dodge, but only barely with ice flying from her finger tips to slow him down. As Calen tried to attack him from behind.

"I was not aware that the Ash Warriors gave shelter or training to _mages_." He mocked as he took a slice at the Mabari but was forced to abort the action in favour of jumping out of the way of the fireball she threw at him.

"You bet they do, and we're the best." A bluff of course and he probably knew it, but there was no way to keep the dog out of the fight without someone getting hurt trying to hold him, and for Ash Warriors their hounds counted as an extension of self. In his arrogance he let it stand. He probably didn't think a mere _woman_ and her _dog _were a match for him.

He started to move to lunge for her again but stopping to mock her had giving her time to finish casting the firestorm spell she had been working on behind her back and his attention became focused on dodging the balls of fire that his opponents could move easily through, though that took up even more of her concentration. She still formed the next spell in her hands quickly and sent it out at him, the Mind Crush breaking four of his ribs as he dodged a fireball and she missed the arm she had been aiming for. Calen latched on to it a second later when the sudden pain in his chest caused a brief opening and the weight of the dog allowed one her fireballs to rip down his back. At the opening she started to cast her Lightening storm spell to take the place to take the place of the Firestorm that should be ending soon.

Her only warning was Calen letting go of the arm and dancing out of the way . . . it wasn't enough. He ran her through with his sword. It entered her vertical and she could feel it scrape alone her spine ripping open everything else in its path which he then used to lift her in the air, causing the sword to slide in even farther. Not that it matter much at that point the life she had protected was going out and the rage in that thought gave her the strength to hold her lightening spell together.

He smirked up at her from the other side of the blade and said softly so that she and _only_ she could him over the screaming.

"I refuse to be dishonoured by yet another _mere_ woman."

She reached out slowly and grabbed his horns pulling her self down on the blade to be closer to him, her own pain filled words equally soft.

"I refuse to let you live after killing _my_ child."

She unleashed the full force of a lightening storm into his body and the two of them were suddenly surrounded in blue-white light as she felt his brain turn to mush and his heart explode in his chest. He dropped to the ground like a stone and she couldn't stop the sword from sliding back out, tearing more flesh as it did so.

She barely had time to notice the soldiers filing out before Anders and Fenris's faces filled what was left of her greying vision. It made her feel a little better to know he was worried enough about her that it showed on his face, but there was something she owed him, because Anders would not be able to keep quiet about what he was going to find out.

"Fenris? . . . I . . . am . . . So . . So . . . Sorry. I tried. . . I did."

XOXOXOXOXOX

Anders already had a major healing spell ready and in hand when he got to her and let it sink into her without thought to anything else except keeping her from dying of blood lose and poisoning. As everything in her intestines and stomach were now leaking into her system as the blood was leaking out. Fenris, Sebastian and Isabella moving to stand in between the two mages and the rest of the suddenly silent room. It was so quiet even Hawke faint breaths seemed to echo in it.

Meredith started to move toward them when Orsino beat her to the punch.

"Please allow me to assist your healer in his valiant attempts to save Kirkwall's own, Saviour Mage!"

Cheers met his statement as the Nobles came out of their shock and, at Anders distracted nod, Fenris let the other mage through to assist. Meredith was forced to wait on the sidelines as they still stood ready to fight her if she made a violent move toward them and Aveline, Varric and Merrill entered the room with an group of guards, all hoping to tell the Viscount the fighting had ended as suddenly as it had begun. Anders faltered only for a moment before the other mage added his magic to the healing as he felt something inside her blink out. He found his gaze searching through Hawke's rag tag group till he found the only other pair of eyes that showed the same sorrow and horror he was sure his did. He opened his mouth, to ask her what he wasn't sure, but the small elf shook her head frantically at him and he forced himself to push it out of his mind and he got down to the business of trying to heal the broken treasure splayed out before him, to as close to perfect as he could get.

He would wait and ask _her_ when she woke up.

XOXOXOXOXOX

To say she was surprised was an understatement. She honestly hadn't expected to wake up _at all_, let alone at home in her own bed after all the magic Meredith had seen her cast. She took a breath before letting a little of her healing magic run trough her body to tell her just how hurt she still was. She was still tender, but she was completely whole. In fact the only proof she had been hurt at all was the missing warmth. The knowledge of what that meant hit her all at once and brought tears to her eyes. She turned to hide them in her pillow and ended up face to stomach with Calen. He battered at her stomach gently with his paw and whined at her. She buried her wet face in his fur, hands moving to grasp fistfuls of it to help ground her against the pain and loss.

"So you **did** know."

For the first time ever the sound of that midnight voice caused a shiver of fear to shoot down her spine. She considered lying to him. Telling him she had no clue what he was talking about and claiming she was still in pain but. . . But . . .

_Be careful how you treat them._

They were her father's words. Her father's last piece of advice and he was usually right.

"Yes. Yes I knew." She whispered the words into Calen's fur. Tears still freefalling down her face making her voice wet and rough, her hands clenched so tightly in the poor Mabari's fur that her knuckles were turning white. She couldn't make her self turn and face him. Not when she as still so hurt and now completely alone.

"_**I**__ wasn't _important enough to tell?" It was asked so softly that she was sure he was fighting a losing battle to try and keep his temper.

"No. that wasn't it."

"Then _what_ was it?" Cold, curt and ominously blank.

"Several reasons, but all just went together with the main one." A deep breath before she finally turned to face him, one hand still holding on to warm fur so, so tightly. His face seem to be carved from stone as cold and uncaring as the twins statues which lead into the gallows, his tattoo's lighting up her room far more brightly then the fire.

"I didn't want you to think I had done it on purpose to chain you to me. I certainly wasn't going to tell you till next month when the chance of the magic in my body forcing a miscarriage was so much, much less. Why should I make you either worry about it or get your hopes up if my much loathed magic was just going to snuff it out."

He twitched at her words and closed his eyes. If it was because he couldn't stand to look at her or because he was trying to keep his temper she wasn't sure she wanted to know.

"So instead you ensure its demise by having the Arishok skewer you?"

"A fight which YOU suggested!" She nearly shouted the words at him. Losing her temper seemed to have snapped the control he'd been forcing over his own as those green eyes snapped open to glare at her.

"I would never have done such a thing if I had known! Children are a rare privilege for slaves in Tevinter. I would have made sure you were one of the people evacuated out the city for safety so I would know you were as far from the fighting as possible. I would never have let my child be placed in such danger!"

She felt her heart stop as he tossed those words at her, and she felt the blood drain out of her face.

"leave." A broken whisper.

"The hell I will! Not until you have explained yourself!"

She gave no thought to how disturbed her next actions would make him, why should she when he had constantly shown such little regard for her and her feelings. She simply used her Physic Push spell to shove him out into the hall, the protective barriers she'd set around her room snapping into place to keep him from ghosting through them.

She was sick, almost to death of being the punching bag he tossed all his anger, pain and misery at. Sick of everything that went wrong being her fault, only because she had been unfortunate enough to have been born a _mage_.

Just sick.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

She'd magicked him out of her room! Then had the never to lock him out in the hall like some servant! The nerve of that . . . that **mage**. She really was just like all the-

"Oh _that_ was a good one **Fenris**. I'm **so** glad we _trusted_ you to watch over her." The normally cheery voice was cold and the sarcasm in it a bitter thing to hear. The Story weaver gone and the cold Merchant Leader in place. Normally warm brown eyes as hard as the rocks dwarves were said to have been spawned from originally.

"So the woman nearly dies wakes up in pain only to find out that she lost something both precious and irreplaceable, and instead of offering up just a little comfort, you wound her farther by tossing your own pain and agony in with what she's already got to be feeling."

"You speak dwarf, as if I had no reason to be angry." He snapped out. Unable to let go of his anger yet. His mind unwilling to let go of the fact that a _mage_ had caused him all this pain, not even enough to consider what kind of pain _Marion_ had to be in.

"You're not **listening**, elf. Not to Hawke. Not to me."

A long moment of silence as the Dwarf leaned against the door and took a few deep breaths before he continued.

"You _had_ a right to be angry and to ask your questions. What you _didn't_ have was the right to toss them at her before she'd even finished waking up! Maker Fenris! She's been unconscious for 3 weeks while Anders and Merrill worked to piece her back together and the first thing she hears when she finally wakes up is that you don't give a damn about her welfare before we can even get some food in her!."

"I _never_ said that!" He snapped out. It was the only point he could argue about with the dwarf at this point, as he _knew_ it was true.

"No? I have to tell you that's what I heard. In fact I'm willing to bet the whole Merchant's guild that, that's what Hawke heard too. That it was okay with you if _Hawke _had gotten killed fighting the Arishok, it only matters to you because the child was killed. Hawke herself? Meh, you don't care, after all I hear it was you who suggested she fight a man double her height and weight all alone."

Another pause as a surprisingly dark chuckle escaped the shorter man.

"I mean, hey, that must work for you Fenris. If she had died you wouldn't have to deal with the things she forces you to feel."

Turning his back on him the dwarf knocked on the door.

"It's just Varric, Hawke. Can I come in?"

After a few seconds the door opened and a dwarf sized hole appeared in the barrier. It gave him a glimpse of the damaged he had actually done to her. Because there in the middle of that large bed sat the shell of the woman he loved. Tears still leaking out empty blue eyes.

OXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Ahhh see poor Hawke, I'm just mean to her. And fess up right now everyone wants to kick Fenris's butt to Tevinter and back. I sure do.

Bellaluna003- well I'm not sure this chapter is a cliff hanger but I love it all the same, I hope this chapter was worth the wait and excitement. Can't wait to hear from you!

Dark sister of the Brotherhood - Well there you go that's how Fenris takes the news. I thought he took the information of the pregnancy better then most of us thought he would. The rest he didn't take so well but . . . He had to mess it up somewhere. More importantly did you HATE the brotherhood quests in Skyrim cause I'm in an agruement right now I thought they rocked, my friend thinks they were the most awful ever.

Eviza- I am honestly still working on Fenris's PoV for you, please don't give up on me. I just have a really awful time getting into his head, though the next chapter does have a whole section from his PoV so I hope that will be a good enough offering while I work out the other bit for you.

Enchanter T.I.M. - I have gotten a small bit from what we've talked about worked in to the Fenris PoV side story, but not a whole chapter yet . . . I might just toss small bits in as we go =}

Thank you so so much to ALL who reviewed! I'm really sorry about the wait, summers mean extra shifts at a hospital. Everyone went on vacation without me! (sad face) that's okay . . _**I **_get new years off!

Ja ne

KAT!

P.S. please more reviews this time I only got two for the last chapter . . . Did everyone else hate it? =}


	6. Sometimes When we Touch

Sometimes When We Touch.

Ja ne

Kat

_**A.N- Okay this is actually supposed to be the second story in the set **_before I picked on Bethany (who completely deserved it) But the original never sat right with me and so I had to fix it and mix it around till I got this . . . Which I'm still not so sure I like, but things happen in this part that you need to know for the rest of the parts to make sense. Bare with me. I did mention that they might not be in order. Thanks will be given at the end, please bear with me on this one. I had to take two stories and put them together so I hope it works. . . Mostly for T.I.M because she was worried about the rope and he does tell you how he got it. Here you are DARLING an explanation for why he got it. And for Evisa because she wanted to know how Fenris got from point A (walking out on her.) to point B (asking her to wait.) which I thought were excellent questions and I hope I've answered some of them. Though not completely I know.

XOXOXOX

It had to be her magic. He'd never been made to sleep with a mage before, why would they dirty themselves with slaves? So that had to be what caused the rush of memories, her Maker damned magic. Why in all of Thedas did he have to be drawn to a mage? Years trapped under their tyranny should have taught him better. Either way it he was the only one who wanted to be able to see her like that. His informant's message had been good, though the amount of money it would take to smuggle it out was more than he had thought. Worth it though if it kept her magic chained so that he could be with her without her magic breaking his mind. To hell with the Nobles that thought they could charm their way into his place.

"Fenris?"

He spun quickly to face the owner of that warm voice, cursing himself the whole time for letting his guard down. Only to come face to face with the source of his problems as he found Hawke, leaning against the side of building he was walking past.

"Hawke. Something I can help you with?"

"As a matter of fact there is. Samus's funeral is tomorrow, and Merrill and Anders want to go. Is it possible for you to . . . ghost other people through solid matter?"

Probably not. Just him going through left some scratches behind if what he went through was too thick.

"I don't know. I have never tried. Why?" He could be honest to her . . . if nothing else.

"I was thinking . . . if you could, then they could go right to the Chantry from the guard's barracks, onto the balcony on the other side of the wall. No need for them to go past the Templar's. Aveline has already said she would warn Donnic to watch for you, he's going to be in charge of the guards while she attends."

He wanted to tell her no. He didn't even know if it was possible to do so let alone what the price would be to all of their bodies, but he owed her more then he could say for all the help she had given him and he still harboured guilt for having run from her. Guilt that he didn't want to feel, but still who did she think he was? Some kind of parlour trick that could be called upon when she needed him, had she even considered he might get hurt doing this crazy thing? Or was she, as she always did, putting mages before regular people's safety?

"So you want me, to take a blood mage and the Abomination through a solid stone wall, so they can attend a funeral for a boy they barely knew? For what possible reason would I agree to such a dangerous thing? Even if it can be done, mage?"

He tossed the words out at her, wanting her to feel half the confusion she had been causing him recently. Her eyes lit with the fire that he loved to see at his words, before she levelled her Glare of Doom on him.

"I'm not going to force you to do it Fenris, for Maker's sake. Merrill asked if I could think of a way and you were the first person I thought of. All you had to say was no, or even that it could hurt you. Gees, you think you would be mad about being asked to go into Darkspawn filled caves, but no, not you." The sarcasm in her voice put his back up and the argument just snowballed from there.

"I will remember to be mad the next time you ask me to go with you on such a mission, will that please you messere?" A formal court bow, which caused her to make a sound like a tea pot boiling over.

"Oh for goodness sake's, it's like you're forcing yourself to hate me now. If you don't want to see me anymore Fenris just say so, I will do my best to keep out of your way. In spite of what you may believe _**I DO NOT **_want to own you!"

She spun and headed toward the hanged man, probably to spend the night getting drunk with the dwarf, who would spend the night telling her stories and making her smile. And before he could think better of it, the thought propelled him forward till he was holding her wrist. Ignoring the way her body tensed under his hands and the blush that spread across her cheeks.

"We're not done yet, Hawke, and I never said that, so stop putting words in my mouth."

"I thought I would save you the trouble, since you imply it all the time, with every action you make around me. It took me months after we first met to be able to touch you with you flinching; now I can not even get within a foot radius of you. This is the first time we've touched since . . ."

She trailed of not wanting to mention the night they had spent together. In fact she avoided the topic at all costs even when they were all alone, like she regretted it . . . Like she regretted choosing him. And why should she not, he told himself bitterly. She had settled for a slave when she could have had Prince. And didn't _all_ women dream of Prince Charming, he asked himself bitterly. This one even came with shiny white armour to complete the picture.

"Already wiped the memory of lowering yourself and bedding me from your memory, mage?" Why he said that he wasn't sure, since he knew it wasn't true. He _knew_ it, through thousands of little every day acts, that she only thought of him as a person. For Maker's sake, he even _knew_ that while she liked Sebastian, he drove her nuts half the time with his speeches. Maybe he said it because the thought had been in his head earlier and he wanted to hear her voice deny it. Was he that weak? Did he value her opinion that much? And if so, _when the hell_ had it happened?

"How can you say that . . . after I gave you . . . I trusted you with . . ." she trailed off normally pink skin a deathly pale and wrenched her wrist from out of his grasp. "I'm not going to argue this with you. If you can still think this awfully of me simply because of an accident of birth then you ARE NOT who I thought you were. So go Fenris, or stay as it pleases you, but mark my words the next move in this dance we seem to be caught up in is yours and _I will not _be tricked into making it for you. Good evening to you, Messere."

Then gone, with her own court bow, before he could register that she was leaving, and for some reason her departure left him feeling cold.

XOXOXOX

He slammed the door to the mansion when he finally made it back to it, blood soaked and tired from clearing the riff-raff off the Hightown streets. He had fought with himself all night but figured whatever he wanted to say to Hawke could wait till morning when she and Orana arrived for lessons. It would give them both time to regain control of their tempers. And would let him find the point when she had stopped being a dangerous mage to him, and had started being a person.

XOXOXOX

She slipped in, tipsy, well after midnight, Orana must have waited tried to wait up for her because she was sleeping in the wingback chair in front of the fire, dog curled around her feet, whose tail started to wag as he caught sight of her.

"Well, I don't think I can heft her up to her room and it's not good for her to sleep in the chair, come on Calen, and help me wake her up."

Between the two of them they steered the half asleep elf upstairs and into her bed, before both of them headed to Hawke's room.

"She's getting more animated every day. I'm glad at least something is going right. Calen what would you like for breakfast? I have this feeling we are going to be making it, Orana looks like she'll sleep till noon."

He tilted his head to the side, question all over that doggy face as she got changed into fresh clothes. They were supposed to go to Fenris's tomorrow and breakfast would be whatever was left in his cold box.

"Nope, we are staying home tomorrow, if he wants lessons he can come here, I'm not **his** _slave_ either and I think it's time he learned that. He can come and find me when he can behave civilly."

XOXOXOXOX

When he woke it was well into the morning and with little thought in mind, he headed down to the reading room and poked his head into it. If there was not enough food to make for breakfast the girls usually started in without him and let him sleep in. The room was dark and cold and missing the two pieces he had gotten use to finding there. He paused for a minute to try and remember if Hawke had a job to do that day or some Noble function that required her attendance. When his mind came up with nothing he decided that the best way to figure out what was going on was to head to Hawke's.

He didn't have to go far as he neared the Hightown market, he saw her. She was talking to a young noble as the . . . _boy_ escorted her around the market. He was smarter then most of the nobles that tried to keep her attention though. He didn't bother trying to keep her attention with dresses or jewellery; in fact the two of them were standing in front of an armour stand and seemed to be in a friendly debate over something the merchant was selling. They wondered away from the merchant after a few minutes, Hawke with a triumphant smirk on her lips, obviously having won the debate and while she was distracted gloating, the Noble made his move, he flicked the flower vender they were walking past a gold piece before plucking a single blue rose from off the table and settling it behind Hawke's ear, leaning forward to speak to her as he did so, words causing a light blush to dust across her cheeks. Shaking with rage he spun and began walking toward Hawke's house before he did something he regretted, in his haste he missed seeing Hawke push the young man back, before leaving him standing there and heading to the meeting she had with Varric.

XOXOXOXOX

He slammed the door open without waiting for the older dwarf to answer it and headed right for the kitchen, where he was brought up short by a low warning growl from under the table, before he could get too close to the young elf working on some dough.

"Messere Fenris? Can I help you?"

He had intened to ask why they had not come for lessons. That should have been the only thing he was worried about, that wasn't what came out of his mouth though.

"Who is the man Hawke is drooling over?"

"Man?" A pause and the girl tried to figure out who he was referring to. "Oh! That must have been the young man that came and asked her out for breakfast this morning. As far as I know he's a Knight. She's really getting along with him? That is wonderful! She really could use someone to lean on. She's been all alone since her mother died, and Mistress Bethany won't answer her letters. He seemed very polite, even asked my name when he came to the door. I've never been called Messere before; Mistress normally just calls me by name."

"And his name?" He asked annoyed for some reason he couldn't name at the girl's happiness for the other woman.

"Arthur, I think. He came to ask the Mistress if she had found something he's been searching for during her expedition. Some kind of cup. Why?"

"Nothing, forget it."

And with that he swept out of the mansion much the same way he came in.

XOXOXOX

The reading room they had cleaned so meticulously was demolished. Table over turned and ink soaking into everything and mixing with Merrill's pots. How dare she just toss him aside like that! She had promised to teach him, and what was she doing instead? Flirting with some strange boy in broad day light. By tomorrow Varric would have it spread all over Thedas that Hawke-

He cut the thought off before it could form. If she thought this was over she was dead wrong. She wanted a favour, did she? Needed someone to lean on did she? They'd see what he could do about that.

XOXOXOX

The Chantry was full of mourners who had come to say good bye to the rather cheerful Noble. The Viscount himself was silent and still as a rock. His tears free flowing down that aged face as the Grand Cleric _herself _did Prayers for the young man and admonished those among her followers and flock that would presume to know the Makers work.

The rest of Hawke's party was down there with the mourners, save for Sebastian who was part of the funeral. He had taken Hawke suggestion and ghosted Merrill and Anders through the wall Donnic had pointed out to him and after 2 short (incredibly painful) steps they had been standing on one of the balconies near the exit doors. They had both promised not to speak since Fenris was doing _them_ a favour so that they could attend. A promise Merrill had broken as soon as the funeral had started. Falling to her knees, with what he assumed was Dalish pouring out of her mouth. Any other time he would have snapped at her for not doing as promised but since the Maker meant about as much to her as it did to him, he assumed she was giving the young noble that had been so kind to her, her own funeral rites. He found himself strangely paying more attention to those strange foreign, yet oddly familiar, musical words then to the Grand Cleric's, which he actually understood. The chantry ceremony was finally beginning to wrap up when Merrill finally rose from her knees into a bow.

"May the Creators and your Maker, light your path to the Eternal Reward of your choosing, Letha'lan."

Another moment before she turned to him with a small grateful smile and held her hand out and Fenris forced himself to admit that it _was_ probably a good idea to leave now before Hightown was filled with all the off duty templar's currently inside the Chantry.

A deep breath for the second round of horrible pain he was about to put himself through, before he grabbed them and nearly jumped through the wall pulling them along as he did so, falling to his knees in the room where Donnic waited. A quick glance to make sure that both the Abomination and the Idiot were not still stuck in the wall before he gave himself over to the darkness that had been eating at the edge of his consciousness since their first trip.

XOXOXOXOXOX

He had _ripped_ the lines.

Hawke looked down at the stubborn male passed out on his bed. He _should_ have told her that granting her this favour would hurt him. But no, he had to go and struggle through on his own like he always did.

She hadn't let either Merrill or Anders assist with the healing. Mostly because Fenris seemed to be hurt by other people's magic, but strangely not hers. Besides he really didn't trust Anders or Merrill. Wanting to help anyway, Merrill had made up one of her room smelling oils. The Dalish used it in all healing rooms, the young girl had chirped as she set it up and the smell of Lavender and Camomile filled Fenris's bedroom. The first to promote good dreams and the second aid in healing.

Anders had gone to his clinic and come back sometime later with a bottle holding liquid Lyrium. Not a potion as she had first thought, but pure lyrium made into a liquid.

The stubborn blasted elf had _TORN_ the Lyrium Lines in his body on the first trip through the wall and the second one had pumped all the lyrium out of them. She had spent the rest of the day and night carefully and meticulously healing the torn parts of the tattoo back together and was currently trying to work out how to get a nearly full bottle of liquid back into the tattoo, and the last little bit of what had been in there out.

"Any luck yet?" Merrill asked as she poked her head in the door. The others had left the two of them under Merrill and Calen's care for the evening. Hawke's breath escaped on a frustrated sigh at the question and her worry increased.

"No. I can't figure out how to get the lyrium back in to the Lines without ripping one open again. Which wouldn't help us as too much would escape before I could do the painstaking work of getting it closed properly again."

The worry on Hawke's face forced Merrill's mind to flash back to a time when the Keeper had wanted to give one of the younger elves blood. It had been the same kind of problem but the Keeper had . . .

"Master Ilen has a Dalish instrument that holds Tattoo ink for our coming of age Ceremonies. You might be able to use it to inject it back into the lines with only a few small holes to fix; at least it ought to work. I can go and ask . . ."

Merrill stopped herself mid thought. She wasn't welcome there anymore. She couldn't ask them for _anything_. She was . . .

"Great idea Merrill. Can you send Calen to get Varric? Maybe he will agree to go for us, I know he sometimes goes there to help trade for things they need."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

He woke feeling better then he had in his whole remembered life and the first thing he noticed was that there was a warm, familiar body snuggled up next to him on the bed. For a full minute Hawke draped across him in her Noble outfit was all that he could see, all that he cared about. She was there and she was there only because he had needed her.

In fact it wasn't until he reached a hand toward her face that he noticed that not only had his tattoo changed its colour slightly but it was giving off an almost imperceptible glow. The glow itself wasn't that unusually save for the fact that he hadn't triggered it. He wasn't even angry, and yet, those silver white lines still seemed to be full of a faint blue light.

"**He wanted you to hurt . . . Always.**"

The voice was dark, steady, sure and coloured with an accent that sounded strangely like his old masters when he spoke Common. It sounded _nothing_ like the clueless ditz she usually was and that had his head snapping up to met her bright green eyes. He almost wished he hadn't looked.

Because _here_ then was the person that had been forced into loneliness so that she could better **serve** her people. Here was the Keeper she _would_ have been if not for the Maker forsaken mirror. Ancient knowledge filled those eyes along with her anger. So much more then he would have been able to guess from the bright smiles she offered everyday.

"Blood mage. . ."

"**Hawke has spent the last **_**two days **_**healing the tears in your tattoo and getting the last of the corrupted lyrium out and then putting our purified lyrium in.**"

"Two days . . ."

She cut him off again, anger making those green eyes glow with the amount of magic she was keeping contained.

"**You body **_**needs**_** the Lyrium in those lines now. It has adjusted to it. Will **_**die**_** without it. **_**Was **_**dying without it. You tore them on the first pass through the wall and emptied them on the second.**" a brief pause as she took a breath and checked to make sure he understood the importance of what she was telling him. "**He put this into the lines the first time.**"

The bottle she held up for him to see was nothing like the clear blue of Hawke's eyes, as most lyrium was. It was a milky quicksilver that lit up faintly when Merrill touched the bottle.

"**It's corrupted lyrium, which explains why it not only hurt you to use them but to touch and be touched. It reacts to magic which is why most mages make you uncomfortable, just being near our magic would make it buzz under your skin. I imagine a pins and needles sensation but I guess only you would know for sure. Hawke, being a natural born healer unlike Anders who had to train to do it, would have manipulated her magic to sooth the hurt and pain every time she was near you, and worked to fix it every time she touched you. Automatically and unconsciously."**

She stood at this point and moved to stare down at the other mage sleeping so contentedly against him, and he fought the urge to tighten his hold on her. Merrill wouldn't hurt Hawke ever, not even this creepy version of her, but no matter what he told himself the want to make sure she was as far away from the danger as possible persisted.

"**She was so **_**mad**_**. She wanted to hire Varric to find ways to sneak her into the Imperium just so that she could inject this into the man that had done this to you. We did manage to talk her into waiting here with you for him to come and get you. That way she wouldn't be stealing your revenge."**

A small shake of her head and another deep breath before her sunny smile spread across her face and she blinked at him.

"So are you feeling better? I should have asked that first shouldn't I? Oh but I wanted to explain everything to you before you tossed me out. Poor Hawke isn't going to be in a position to tell you anytime soon as tired as she made herself."

"Why is Hawke here?"

"In bed with you?"

That was more like the Merrill he was used to, blunt to the point of being rude. But she had made the mistake of showing him what lurked beneath and he wouldn't forget.

"Yes Merrill that is what I meant."

She shrugged before sending him a sly smile.

"As often happens to mages dealing with Corrupted lyrium she was having bad dreams and having used up so much magic we couldn't wake her up. It worked out alright though because she settled right into a restful sleep as soon as we put her into bed with you. Although I'm not sure if that's an effect of the purified lyrium she worked into your tattoos or. . . Or if it just that it's _you."_

A stretch as she headed back around to his side of the bed to pick up her small leather bag and stood.

"Since I have also been wake for the better part of the last two days I will take my leave, Hawke should be safe enough in your company. I'm sorry you were hurt but I am truly grateful to you for allowing me the ability to attend the funeral. He was kind to me and had endless patience for my questions about Kirkwall all the way home from the coast."

She reached into her pack and pulled out a small stopper vial. Eyes glittering with things unsaid and knowledge unspoken.

"**For you. To repay the kindness you have shown me this day. The last time the clans collected the Keeper traded one of the oldest clans for this, and it cost more for this one little vial then I have ever seen traded. Even I didn't cost her this much. It is supposed to be some of the remaining sap from the tree that elves are said to have been born from. It is also the last gift I ever received from her before we found the mirror and ended up on opposite sides of each other." **Her eyes slid closed in remembrance and that dark voice took on a version of Varric's story telling voice. He hadn't known she was spending that much time with the dwarf. **"In the days of Arlathan it was used by those elves that could prove that the other half of their heart was a human. While painful, I'm assured that it converts the human to a kind of half-elf and ties their life forces together so that one half will never have to be without the other. You need only add a drop of your blood and have her drink it, since you've already taken care of the mating part of the ritual. Just encase you ever do stop lying to yourself and take hold of what you want."**

Then gone much like a ghost, leaving Fenris looking down at his hand and the disturbing little bottle of bright green liquid left there.

XOXOXXOXOXOX

STILL horribly unhappy with this, so please avoid telling me how bad it is . . . I KNOW. And just why I can't put my finger on. Yes I realize all of your questions about the rope and Fenris aren't answered BUT some are and both the bottle and the new lyrium comes into play later so I had to get this up, even though I'm still mad at it.

Mostly the lyrium comes into play because it made no sense to me for Denarius to head to Kirkwall. Strategically it was not a smart move on his point, he _knew_ where Fenris was, all he had to do was send wave after wave after him till he got lucky or Fenris got tired. There was no NEED for him to go there. But what if he could no longer track his wayward experiment? I figure that's what the lines let him do and if they changed them then he, personally, would have to go and find something else to use to track him.

Yup yup. That's what I'm going with but I get in to all that kind stuff later. Any way . . . I know he's not Grovelling yet. HE WILL. I so promise. Next chapter he gets to start.

I also figure Merrill HAS to have another side otherwise they never would have considered her for leader AT all. So this is my take on her. Which again I go into more later.

PaulaH and GJ- I'm glad you agree and thanks for saying so cause I took a lot of flack for the words bit. And Fenris didn't actually mean it to sound like he didn't care about Marion, he's just male and males get confused.

NoMadKa- Oh yes, yes he will. He's got what 3 _years_ to grovel before the third chapter? And the whole blood of the Hawke thing to do still. Ohh ya he can fit some major ass kissing in, in that time frame.

Dark Sister of the Brotherhood- You _so_ did review chapter 4, yours was one of the two. I was really afraid that people were annoyed I'd made Hawke preggers. But with some of the reviews I got for this chapter I know that wasn't the case. . . I'm so glad. I was really worried about it. I hope you liked this one as much as the rest.

KrystalHawke- Thank you so much for taking the time to review. Since you were signed in a guest I can only answer you on here. Normally this story doesn't get updated this fast but I needed to get this part out for the rest, so here's the MORE you asked for! Hope ya enjoyed it!

Enchanter T.I.M. - Ahh honey it's just cause all authors are evil and we like to torture her. Though if I had been doing a Sebastian story I would have had her tell him and the baby would have been born and sent to Stark haven before the whole thing. I might do a rogue bit like that, because as a fic writer I always do it this way (and being a girl I always play a girl.) Mage-Fenris, Rogue-Sebastian and Warrior-Anders. Although Anders always creeps me out. I liked him SO much better in Awakening. AHHH DID YOU SEE THE PART MEANT FOR YOU?! =}

HMMM. Other then that I can't think of anything else so . . .

Ja Ne Minna-san! It might take awhile for the next piece. I'm going on a short Vacation (5 days off) and then I have a nine day stretch of shifts. It's going to suck.

Kat


	7. Of Closed Doors and Earning their Keys

Of Closed Doors and Earning the Key.

Ja ne

Kat.

First things first.

I'm SO SORRY! I still love you all!

There's some Varric and Merrill tossed into the chapter. Just for some levity and cause I think Varric is inventive enough to get around the height thing. I will get to the actual sex with the chair. This is just a preview to see how much grief I take for tossing them in. if I don't get too much I'll do the rest.

AND NOW on to the new chapter!

XOXOXOXOXOXOX

They had made her Champion of Kirkwall. A _mage_ allowed to live in freedom to do her heroics. She was the envy of every mage, the terror in the heart of every templar, hero of the common man and of all things, possible Viscount to the Nobles.

She often found herself shaking her head at the strange turn her life had taken. Bethany had finally deemed her sister important enough to write back to. It was just a short note, expressing only her sympathy for her sister's loss and a warning about on attack on her life because she had the "Blood of the Hawke." Bethany had only just fended off the attack with the help of the Warden Commander, Stroud and a man named Nathaniel who had not only raised the alarm but had headed to check on Bethany right after. She'd smiled at how vague her sister was about him. Could it be that her so proper sister was finally interested in someone? The thought brought a small smile to her face. Bethany deserved someone to lean on, more so since she had grown up knowing that if she had really, truly needed her twin, Carver would have stood with her, even if no one else would have.

The attack however worried her. Around the same time Hawke had been forced to fend of a similar attack on her way home from Aveline's office one night. Fenris had heard the fight and had ended accidentally helping her when he showed up to use them as sword practice. It had been the first time she'd seen him since the time when she had woken up in her room. She'd simply stared at him for a handful of minutes, feeling too much to do more then that, before remembering where they were and dropping into a formal bow and offering him coin for rendering aid.

The look of revulsion that had swept across her face as he continued to silently stare at her prompted her to return the coin to her pocket. She spun away from him trying to appear as if seeing him hadn't hurt.

"I didn't curse it." she tossed over her shoulder. There had been blissful silence from him as she walked away and for a full minute she believed he'd let it pass. Till she been about to walk out of the main square.

"I am quite sure you didn't but who died for it?"

She couldn't stop herself from flinching but she did manage to keep her tears in check. It was however, a very near thing.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXXOXOXOXOX

Merrill was working on room smelling oil for one of the city elves celebrations when the dark voice crept out from the darkness behind her.

"_Blood mage._"

If that dark and anger filled voice didn't identify him, the title swiftly took care of that. She pulled in her normal response to turn with a smile. They were all mad at him. He had left poor Hawke in such a horribly broken state and then hadn't had the decency to try and fix it. Her hand clenched painfully around the bark of cinnamon in her hand.

"**Magister.**_"_ She managed to bite the name out through her rage, in a voice the Keeper often used to show extreme displeasure. Merrill had practised it for years hoping to use it when she became Keeper but now . . . Well, it would work here well enough.

"Do not test my patience mage."

She scoffed at the words and finally turned to face him, mask yet again dropped so he was forced to face the knowledge she had been burdened with.

"**You seem to embody all they stand for quiet well even without the excuse of magic.**"

He opened his mouth to argue with her, tattoo's (Which _**Hawke**_ had exhausted herself fighting to fix.) alight. She cut off his words by letting her own magic leak threw the cage she normally kept it in. Filling the room with an awful pressure. Her next words a calm and carefully measured dark version of Master Ilen's story telling voice, the words from the Keepers favourite parable taking on their own life in that well of magic.

"_**There are ways to scar,**_

_**That involve no blood.**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**There are ways to demean and subjugate,**_

_**That require no cruelty or Magic.**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**Ways to cause a pain so deep one aches for death**_

_**That have no need for touch or poison.**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**And these may be the worst ways to be enslaved and abused by someone.**_

_**Because even forgiving the words cannot be unsaid or healed.**_

_**They will forever haunt that person and fill the space between you.**_"

.

He jerked as if she'd slapped him, hands clenching into fists so tight his palms were bleeding. Still she let the silence stretch between them full of all the awful things he'd ever said to her, just to prove her point. Then she very slowly and deliberately gave him her back and went back to the oil she had been working on.

"**Why have you sought me out Fenris? What is it that you want?**"

He was quiet so long, that if she hadn't heard him breath she would have thought him gone.

"Can you get me a strand of Hawke's hair?"

"I beg your pardon?" she asked spinning to face him again shock chasing out the monster she'd been melded into for so long. He easily noticed the change because for a moment he sent her a tiny smile, and she _almost_ saw what is was about him that Hawke loved.

"And don't let her know."

She just blinked at him before nodding slowly.

"Fine. Come back next week and we'll see how it went."

XOXOXOXOXOXO

A few days later Varric stood outside the little hovel. In his hand he held a small package that Orana had passed to him when he had left Hawke in her library. Merrill's name written on it in the young elf's clumsy script. She had long ago told him not to bother to knock, so he simply opened the door and let himself in. Calling out as he did so, so he would not get another paralyzing spell tossed on him. Though being at the mercy of her fingers and magic had been . . . Interesting. Yes, interesting indeed. Who knew blood magic could be used to cut out down time? If she could only bottle it she could move the whole lot of city elves wherever she wanted. Men would pay a lot of money for instant and long lasting erections.

"Oi, Daisy! You in here?"

"In here Varric."

He followed the sound of her voice into her bedroom, where she sat in front of the Maker cursed mirror. He didn't understand why the blasted thing was so important to either of the women. Merrill wasn't even sure that she could fix the stupid thing, so why bother turning their back on her before she did so. Though he was grateful for the opportunity it had given him, as the Dalish would not have let them be together if she was still the Keeper's Heir.

"Orana gave me this package for you." He said moving to stand behind her still seated form, which for once made him taller then she was.

"Thank you. Though what he'll offer in exchange for this favour I have no clue."

"He? Favour? Will it be a good romance bit for one of my stories?"

She finally turned mirthful green eyes around to meet his. She had known him long enough to know that he was fishing for information without trying to _look_ like he was.

"I guess you'll just have to wait and see, won't you?"

"Ah, but you know Daisy, I'm more of a skip right to the end kind of guy."

The serious look was chased off her face, to be replaced with a look of confusion. Personally he always thought that look was adorable on her, not that he was foolish enough to tell her that, but that didn't make it any less true.

"The end? The end of what? A book? If you know the ending why bother going back and reading the rest?"

"To find out how the earned their happy ending of course."

More confusion as she titled her head to the side much like an owl and stood in one graceful movement so that she was now looking down at him.

"But . . . What if there isn't a happy ending?"

"Ah! Well then I don't read the book. The world has enough sadness in it without wasting my free time reading about it." She smiled at his explanation and headed out to the main room.

"Would you like water? Or some of my homemade tea?"

"Tea. Boiling the water burns all the crap out of the water supply you guys have down here."

"Oh! Well . . . That _would_ explain the colour."

He just blinked at her cluelessness. He had been talking about soap and dirt from the other sections laundry and bath water. . . Not actual crap. Her next remark came from no where and tossed the thought out of his head.

"Did you really get in an argument with Fenris over his treatment of Hawke?"

Her voice was oddly blank and had him wincing behind her back. Since every other member of the group (Excluding the now otherwise involved Captain of the Guard.) was falling all over themselves to please Hawke, Merrill assumed he was the same. He moved one of her chairs behind her so he could watch her cook, taking the time to think about his answer. He enjoyed watching the graceful movement of her fingers and hands when she was normally so clumsy.

"I did." he breathed into her neck, enjoying the slight shiver the action caused.

"Good." she told him cheerfully.

He blinked at the unexpected answer before letting a smug grin spread over his face. He tapped her on the shoulder, causing her to spin and face him. He wasted no time, crashing his mouth almost violently down on hers as the chair he was on made them the same height. He snapped his hands up to her shoulders to hold her where he wanted her when she tensed and tried to step back from him. Not surprising since all the other times he had kissed her he had kept it soft and slow. Asking for her response rather then demanding it as he was doing now, his tongue sweeping in to catch her gasp of surprise on his tongue. A few seconds passed before she relaxed and melted into him. He took his time coaxing her tongue to tangle with his and drawing more of her surprisingly fresh minty taste into his mouth.

As suddenly as he started he drew back. He took in her flushed face, bright red lips and whisker burned face with a dark smile as her hand slowly drifted up to trace her lips.

"What in the Creator's names was that for?" she breathed up at him looking, pleased confused and wonderfully flushed. He shrugged before stepping off the chair and nodding at the now boiling water.

"You're boiling over Daisy." he told her smugly before sauntering out her door back to the Hanged man.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

He had taken his time. Skilfully weaving his gift together and getting as many odd jobs from Aveline as she would give him till he could buy the right piece to hold it. He then wrapped it up in carefully picked blue silk that matched her eyes and left it on her desk. Ghosting in one night to leave it and a short note there for her. It was the only thing he could think of to do. The only way to begin making amends.

She came to find him two nights after he delivered it. He returned to the mansion long after midnight to find her standing in the study room.

"_Hawke._" Her name escaped, unbidden from his lips in a whisper. That spun her around and narrowed her eyes.

"Mind telling me what _this_ is for?" she demanded holding the necklace up for him to see. He shrugged.

"It is for you." He said it simply, a statement of fact. It must have been the wrong answer as her eyes filled with tears and pain as her body shook with the force of her anger.

"I want _nothing_ from you Fenris, take it back." Her voice was still frigidly cold and blank. The locket was held out to him on the tips of her fingers, her body angled as far away from it as possible as though it contained the Blight. He stared at it hanging there for a few minutes. He had hoped that Orana would see it and tell her what it was for.

He held his hand up and she turned hers so that the cool metal pooled in his palm.

"I honestly and truly cannot take it back Hawke. It really is _for_ you."

"There is nothing you can give me that will fix this between us." The words were a growled sound before she started to head wide around him for the door. He ghosted there before she could reach it and leaned there. If this was going to be the last time he saw her, then he wasn't going to let it end with things left unsaid and half done between them.

"You're right of course Hawke. There is nothing in the world I can **buy** that will fix what I broke." Even to his own ears he sounded defeated, not something he had ever wanted to feel again. This time however he had no one to blame or rage at except himself. "That is **not** what the necklace is for. First thing first though. . . How are you?"

She seemed surprised that he had bothered to ask her at all. Though her reaction didn't surprise him in the slightest, after all he had only bothered to ask her that question once before, the night her mother had died.

"Not that it's any of _your_ concern, but I feel fine. Anders is an accomplished Healer and he has been by often to check up on me."

He pushed away the flash of jealousy the sentence caused in him, it wouldn't gain him any ground in this battle, so he settled for nodding at her answer and again held the necklace between them, still pooled in his palm.

"You should have been gifted with this awhile ago. However due to my lack of information and the time it took me to earn the money for this kind of locket, you are receiving it late."

He closed his hand around the metal as his eyes slid shut. Not wanting to look at the damming gaze anymore.

"Most slaves have to hide such a token, as it signify's not only pregnancy but that someone cared about them enough to make such a thing. You are not a slave and can wear it in plain view of everyone and anyone if you so desire. Normally it would just be a simply braiding of hair." He had to paused here and try to sort his words out.

"Then why the locket?" Her voice caused his eye to open slowly to look at her. Slight confusion now instead of the damming blankness and he was glad to see even just that slight crack in her indifferent act. A small ray of hope that pushed the rest of the words out.

"I figured that since you had no body to bury enclosing the braiding in the metal to protect it would be best. That way you could wear it in to battle if you wanted without worrying about pieces of whatever you're fighting ruining it. Or if you wanted it would last longer if you chose to bury this in place of a body."

He took a half step toward her, intending only to place it in her hand and almost groaned when she instantly darted back a step. He kept his own face blank and kept going toward her one slow easy step at a time till her back hit the fireplace mantel and there was only an inch of space in between their bodies.

"It is a token male slave's give to the women they love, who are willing to risk the heartache of getting pregnant. He gives it to her knowing that if it's discovered he will lose his life."

He eyes widened at the statement and his finger worked the clasp on the metal of the necklace. He had picked it with care. It was a locket meant to hold a child's lock of hair from their first hair cut instead of a picture. The crafter had then melted glass into the small depression to both preserve and make it so the braid wouldn't get dirty. Both the necklace and locket were done in 24 carat gold and he'd lowered himself to asking the Blood Mage for the design of a protection rune so it could be carved into the front. He raised it slowly and settled it around her neck, needing to see the locket with its protective sigils resting so close to her heart . . . Even just once. Task completed he took a step back both so that he could see how it looked and so he didn't push her too far.

"It _is_ for you and can be worn by no one else. I expect nothing from this Hawke, keep it, wear it, bury it or toss it in the canals if that will help you to feel better. It is yours to do with what you will, as am I. I will work and earn not only your forgiveness but a second chance to be the only one to guard your heart."

He offered her a small bow before turning and walking to open the door so she could finally escape. Instead she raised her chin and pinned him with such a heartsick look he wished he could still be the one to offer her comfort.

"And if I do forgive you Fenris what the hell does that _**say about ME?!**_That it is okay for you to treat me however you feel like because as soon as you want to make nice everything will be forgiven?"

Her piece said she started to storm out past him.

"I am truly sorry I made you cry, but . . . this can be the last time. After this I won't need another one. I don't want a future that doesn't have me at your side or you at mine. Please I am . . . Begging you for one last chance."

She turned in the front doorway for a minute.

"I'm not sure I will ever be able to forgive you enough to trust you with my heart again." Whatever she saw on his face when she said those words he wasn't sure but it caused her expression to soften minutely. "I am however, willing to let you try and earn back my friendship back."

He nodded to show that he understood that how much of a concession it was on her part to give him even that much.

"I will take whatever you are willing to give me and be grateful this time that I received it."

Then he was once again alone in the mansion.

XOXOXOXOXOXOX

Author's notes!

Merrill's quote is something I pulled from my head so if it resembles something else it wasn't intentional.

Fenris's speech about not needing another chance however is a variation of Kyo's speech to Tohru after she gets out of the hospital and he has to make amends for . . . Well for being his usual selfish Kyo-ness. It always stuck with me. Short and simple but saying everything he needed to say. For those of you that don't know that are from a Manga called Fruits Baskets. For those of you who have only seen the anime I'm sorry for telling you she picks Kyo. But Yuki gets Machi who is just awesome, so it all works out.

You really can get necklaces like that, or a least you used to be able to.

Other STUFF

Arg! I like . . Really like bits of this, others not so much. He will do more grovelling but for an opening gambit I thought he did fairly well. I did this up really fast cause I had a night off so here you guys go please forgive my mistakes!

Hawke is WAY to nice. =}

Dark Sister of the Brotherhood- Darling! I missed you! I think they would be sick tat's too. And Yay I'm glad at least someone liked my other version of Merrill. Not too many did, though there were a couple.

MoonPrincess623- I agree he and Justice broke each other. Too much knowledge for a human to handle and too much emotion for the spirit to try and understand. I have an idea for a fic based on that. The rest of your questions I hope I answered in my response because yours was too awesomely long to do here. But I sooo completely was happy to have it. I love long reviews. Thank you so so much for it and your response. As for the Seb/Hawke thing . . . Hmmm I could try but you would be waiting a long time.

Enchanter T.I.M- lol what do you mean what part for you? The whole king Arthur bit was for you and if you missed it I so completely rocked at hiding it. He's the boy that was walking with Hawke. He wanted to know if she came across the Holy Grail in the cave. LOL the rest . . . Well hopefully I will do the sap right but it's a ways off. And Believe me I KNOW some readers belong to a fickle bunch. So long as they don't pick on the technical errors too much I'm willing to listen to most complaints. (cept the word for word thing I mentioned in the last chapter.)

Kelpieselkie- lol I know your review was for the 5 chapter but I got it late so I'm putting yours up here. I'm really glad that they are good enough to pull people in. that's sorta the point and I'm really glad that you enjoy them so much. I hope you enjoy this one just as much!

Ja ne, Minna-san!

Kat


	8. The Gap Where All Hearts Meet

The Gap Where All Hearts Meet.

YAY, I totally haven't forgotten you. But since my own boyfriend hasn't mess up horribly badly yet I have no clue where to start on the grovelling. But then THIS beat me over the head. So here is my next meagre offering.

Please don't be mad . . . I got whacked over the head for an idea for the Anime Kaze no Stigma that wouldn't leave me alone. AND a KICK ASS idea for mass effect (or several but really whose counting?) BUT they didn't get posted and while I may have to write them out on occasion they aren't typed out. So ya, here you guys go. This isn't as proofed as I'd like because I wanted you guys to have it ASAP. Because you guys are awesome like that. And you had already waited for so long.

XOXOXOXOX

He awoke standing dressed in the middle of the city he had lived in these past few years as people went about there daily business, sometimes going right _through_ him as they went about it. How long he stood there trying to get someone to notice him, before Hawke walked into view he wasn't sure. His relief at seeing the _mage_ that could fix this was short lived, because while it certainly _looked_ like Hawke, the woman in front of him wasn't dressed or armed as Hawke should have been. Gone where the colourful robes and in their place was simple black leather pants and black linen shirt. Both with more pockets then he could think of a use for. Gone was the elegant long staff and at her waist sat practical and deadly looking daggers, and taking in her outfit again, she could easily hide at least a dozen more.

"Hawke." He called her name anyway. She was always a good place to start looking for answers. Strange and deadly things just seemed to follow the woman around like puppies.

_And ex-slaves,_ some part of his mind offered.

As if she heard him she turned toward him, Bright blue eyes lighten up in a way they did only for him. The blow however, came when it wasn't _his_ name that fell from her lips but-

"Sebastian! Over here!"

Starkhaven came into view from the low town markets, Aveline behind him arguing with Anders.

"Hawke." The Prince greeted in a smooth voice, bowing to brush a kiss over the back of her hand, causing Hawke to blush and Fenris to see bloody red in the archer's future.

"Oh, for Maker's sake couldn't you two save that for when you're alone? The two of you are getting as bad as Isabella and Merrill." Anders grumped as he and Aveline finally drew even with them.

"I was under the impression you had called us here on a matter of some urgency Hawke." Aveline tossed out, drawing the other woman's attention from the outright hostile glare she had been giving Anders. And that was his first clue that whatever this was, it was much worse then he thought. Hawke and Anders were _friends_.

"I did in fact. Far be it for me to interrupt the Captain of the Guard's time. Sebastian traced the people who betrayed his family here to Kirkwall. I want you guys to go with us while we go and inquire for answers." Hawke's voice was not her usual jovial lilt but matter of fact and serious. He flinched at the sound of it, reminded of how she had spoken to him when he'd accidentally saved her.

"Hawke-" Aveline started only for the other woman to swiftly and neatly cut her off.

"I promise that we are just going to ask questions and then you cane take the murderers into custody."

"Famous last words." Aveline said as they headed off.

XOXOXOXOX

As predicted they were indeed. The whole family had given themselves over to a demon of greed. Which was actually quite a bit more powerful then the demon _he_ remembered fighting. He also found himself increasingly agitated that he could affect _nothing_ around him. He wanted badly, several times, to step in the way and defend the woman who held what was left of his heart. He was however forced to admit that the two rogues actually fought well together. Hawke kept the space around the archer cleared and he took care of anything beyond her reach, though he was surprised with how outright hateful she seemed to be toward the healer. After making sure that the building was cleared and of no danger to the rest of the people in the city, Aveline went to report the find to both the Viscount and the Knight-Captain, while Anders slunk back toward his hovel in Undercity before Hawke could say much to him.

Which left him watching the thief and the Prince as they headed toward Hawke's mansion.

"Do you feel avenged?" Hawke asked the question sharply as they walked. He startled a little at the question before his attention seemed to turn inwards.

"I feel . . . Empty. Grateful to have answers of course, but for the most part just empty."

Instead of making a joke as _his_ Hawke had done to cheer the choir boy up, this one simply nodded. Accepting and acknowledging the answer before changing the subject.

"Would you like to stay for dinner then?"

"If you would be willing to have me, then I would love to. I truly do not feel up to being alone with my thoughts right now." a pause to send her a tiny smile. "Besides between your mother and Orianna it's a meal fit for a king."

A brief but tiny smile of her own was given in return.

"Well, they _do_ have a Prince to practice on."

"Ex-Prince."

His answer seemed the agitate Hawke as she spun to face him, stopping him in his tracks.

"I'm still hoping that you will reconsider. _Those_ people actually need you, far more then the Maker ever will."

"Hawke-"

"I mean it! And to the Blight with what your parents thought! Sebastian . . . They are _gone_. You however, are still here, still alive and _still_ a Starkhaven!" She practically growled the words at him from inches away from his face. The Prince stared at her for a long moment before his mouth crashed down on hers and coaxed a response. He fought the nearly over whelming urge to rip them apart. It was only when Hawke finally melted into the archer did her raise his head.

"Only if you will agree to go with me, _also_ as a Starkhaven."

She gaped at him for a few seconds before a wide smile raced over her face.

"That sounds wonderful, but will you do me a favour and ask me again once we get this Qunari thing settled?"

He gave her a short nod of understanding before wrapping her up in his arms.

"I promise."

He wanted to rage at fate for showing him this. He wanted to yell out that he would do better, BE better, wanted to make her see that even if he wasn't the perfect one for her, he would spend the rest of his life trying to be the _right_ one for her, even if he didn't have a fancy name to offer her.

Then there was nothing, as if the world had vanished around him.

XOXOXOXOXOXOX

The very next thing he was aware of were screams of terror and pain. Opening his eyes showed that Kirkwall was on _fire_ and remembering the last time he had seen it so he glanced around for the Qunari. His eyes instead landed on the Abomination ringed on all sides by two groups of people. The first being Meredith, _himself_ and the Templar's; and the other side held by Hawke's group. Getting over the shock of seeing himself, his gaze, as always went to Hawke. Her robes that hugged every curve she had were still missing but this time in their place was thick plate armour and a huge sword that he found himself slightly envious of.

It was then that he realized they were standing in the Hightown Market and in place of the dark and foreboding chapel was a pillar of flame. He wasn't sure how long he gapped at it before her voice soft, _broken_ and _**wrong**_ drew his gaze back down to the judgement that was taking place.

"**You** did this? You willingly _destroyed-_" She bit the sentence off to stop a sob from sounding, but nothing could have stopped the tears from escaping and running free down pale cheeks. "Worse you made me an unknowing accomplice to your _evil_, under the guise of _helping_ people no less!" She took a deep breath, in an attempt to pull her voice back under control. "Tell me _mage_ is there no tactic you won't use? No _depravity_ you won't sink to? You have just single-handedly ruined any and all hope that mages had. In one single act you proved the _monstrosities_ they are capable of!"

"Hawke- _Marion,_ I only-" Whatever flimsy excuse he wanted to babble out was cut off by bitter laughter.

"I don't _care_ what you intended to do or hoped to accomplish, Nothing this _atrocity _gained for the mages would ever have balanced out!"

He stood from his slumped and defeated position and moved toward her, hands raised as if he was afraid to break her, like it was possible at that point for him to do any _more_ harm. With the exception of Hawke the movement had everyone raising their weapons, in fact Varric look positively hopeful that he might get to shoot the mage.

"You are _not_ now or **ever** a tactic." the denial was a harsh whisper. "I _**love**_ you. I did this for US. So that even _I_, a mage, could be free to love as any normal man is."

Faster then even Fenris could follow her hand came up and the backhanded sent him stumbling away from her.

"_DO NOT DARE _to use me as an excuse for this! If you could do something this horrible then you are not the man I thought I trusted my heart to. So please, for once in your whole selfish life be honest. You did this for _you_, and for no other reason then to slate your own burning desire for vengeance, which is really your only true love." The whole time she spoke she stalked closer to the cowering mage. "Tell me one last thing though, how can the victims of this _evil_ act possible be granted real and true _justice_ with the out pouring of _vengeance_ that mages everywhere will now be subjected too?"

The last words were said almost against his lips and she sealed them there, ghosting her lips across his, catching his last breath as her dagger poked out his front and the _body_ crumpled to the ground.

In his invisible state he was the only one close enough to hear her last words to the sad looking corpse.

"Goodbye my broken love."

XOXOXOXOXOX

The body and fire where gone suddenly and he stood in what appeared to be a completely empty Kirkwall. The silence was insanely **loud** and he tore through the city hoping to find any other living soul, but no matter where he looked his only companion was the silence. With little else left to do he headed toward Hawke's mansion where the search had begun.

It was there, framed in the doorway that he ran into the first person. A small girl, with rich golden blonde hair and eyes the startling purple colour of lightening. She was feeding some small birds and smiling at their antics.

"Did you know that the Fade connects to the Maker's Palace?" a grown woman's voice in a smooth high key and it took him a minute to realize that the girl had been the one to speak, even though they were the only two people there.

She raised her eyes to meet his and pinned him in place with a look that was far too old to be on that young face. She smiled before continuing.

"And every dreamer, from every dimension enters the Fade when they sleep."

He was beginning to feel a strange surety about who the person in front of him was, even in the face of all logic. Pushing the terrifying thought aside he concentrated on what she'd said and it brought an interesting possibility to mind.

"So all of those other places-?"

He stopped unsure that he wanted to know, but she smiled, a carefree little kid smile and answered

"All actually happened? Yes. In fact they did."

"Why-"

She cut him off with a frown that actually scared him and made him wish he could take a step back, but his body wouldn't obeying him and he was rooted in place before her.

"Why show you? Why bother with _you_ out of all the _**uncountable**_ **souls** that actually believe and _beg _for my assistance?"

He nodded as she stood and skipped over to him.

"Your belief is not actually necessary. All of this will still exist even if every believer suddenly vanished. In answer to your question though, I have always held great respect for those souls who forge their own _path_ and _destiny, _in spite of any and all obstacles. Which even I am forced to admit, you have had many. More, you are not the first escaped elven slave I have known, or even the first I have helped. Nor I suspect will you be the last." A melancholy smile slid on her face at the words before the frown was back and she looked up at him and **glared**. "But I find myself saddened that you have not taken better care of the things I lent you."

He had only understood half of what she had said and so he fixated on the part that mattered.

"Things?"

Was that really his voice? That barely there whisper? It couldn't be. Regardless of who the woman was, there was nothing she could do to him that hadn't already been done in the past.

He was proven wrong almost immediately as with surprising speed she darted forward and shoved her hand _through_ his chest in his own signature move, before yanking it out again leaving him feeling hollow and empty. For all that he could still feel the pounding of his heart, it may as well not have been there for all that he suddenly cared.

And then she opened those so small hands and his gaze was riveted to the small objects in her palm, as if they were his whole _world_.

Small intricate wooden carvings. The first a leaf of some kind, the green as bright as new grass, save for the edges that were starting to turn brown; the next a feathered pen and a book with one page filled with quickly scratched numbers, the other with lovingly written words; one was a bow, knocked with an arrow and pulled taut; yet another a knight on horseback, sword raised to the heavens as though charging toward an unseen enemy; The scales of Justice with the left side nearly dropped to the bottom; A sun carving done in such cheery colours he swore he could feel the warmth coming off of it. It was the last two he felt he must have stared at for an age.

The first an achingly familiar locket with the clasp closed and the rune gone.

The second and largest of all though was a detailed carving of a hawk in flight. At least it _would_ have been in flight if the wings were not already broken off.

"_**Those are**_…" His _**actual**_ world, held oh so carefully, in her little hands. More carefully, in fact, then he had _ever_ been with them. She only nodded at him, a heart breaking look on that young face that matched the voice as she continued her explanation.

"Hearts and souls have always been such complicated things. Made up of so very many different parts that sometimes it is hard to know exactly how many pieces there really are. _Please_ explain to me though, why you would allow a man who sold both of his own for something as empty as power, sway over how you treat yours?"

The words hurt more then anything that had _ever_ been done to his body. He found himself flinching away from the truth of them, before forcing himself to move, reaching out to touch that poor broken carving, wanting only to fix it. To see it fly freely again. Only to stop as she carefully drew her hands, with their too precious cargo, away from his.

"Have you not done enough damage? Would it not be better to return that one to me?"

"_**NO!**_" The denial ripped from his throat and unfroze the rest of his body as he suddenly found himself looking at a woman. A woman who looked very like her statues. He didn't let that deter him. He had made Hawke, had made _Marion,_ a promise that he would earn her forgiveness. He could not, _**would not**_, just pass her heart off as someone else's problem now. "You can not have it. That choice is _**not**_ yours! It is hers and it is mine. _Those_ are mine!"

"Are they?" A mocking question as she slid her body up against his. "If I asked them I am certain that would receive a very different answer. " But tell me, why should I trust you again with such important things, when you have already proven yourself unable to care for them?"

"Because they see it fit to trust me with them. Even with all my faults and all of my mistakes. _You_ might set the path but the rest is up to us."

A true smile now and he thought for a moment that he understood why the Maker had fallen for her, as she leaned forward to kiss his cheek. Her cupped hands held out between them and when he mimicked the move she let them fall gently back into his.

"At last. Someone who understands."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

He jolted awake in his mansion. The dream or vision still vivid in his mind. He lay still for a few minutes trying to calm his racing heartbeat before he moved to get out of bed. A sharp pain let him know that his hands were actually still clenched around something. How long it took him to force his hand open he wasn't sure, only that when he managed it the broken Hawke carving tumbled out.

XOXOXOXOXOXOX

Now for my Favourite part!

I have to warn you some of these might be doubled, because SOME ASS HACKED my email and so now I'm not sure how I answered and who I didn't. And what I answered and what I didn't. I'm SO SORRY

_**T.I.M**_- I'm not one for sentimental crap in real life either honest, but being a girl I guess it has to get worked out somehow. Either way I so hope you like this chapter. It took forever to get it tosound right. And I'm sure there are mistakes that I missed, which is going to annoy me. And the Rabbit Mabari's are a wonderful Idea . . . Maybe Merideth can go over there and lope it's head off . . . Hmmm. YOU ARE EVIL. Stop it. ( but really don't cause it's awesome even if it does make my brain pull plot bunnies and beat me with them)

_**Dark Sister of the Brotherhood-**_ WAY much more groveling. I'm working on it? I am, but I suck at it. Send idea's if you want. My boyfriend hasn't mucked up badly enough for me to be mad for more then an hour. Merril and V. Go us. I'm so glad that you were not the only person who enjoyed them. See we'e not alone! So glad. Virgo liked them too. AND my Merril. Oh YAY.

_**NoMadKa- **_You so did miss chapters. But I'm soo glad your back and I'm so sorry for the wait. Honest, though I can not promise that the wait will be shorter this time, though I will try my poor best. I hope to hear from you on this one!

_**MOONPRINCESS623**_- OMG I love you. I'm sure that I answered your email before mine got hacked. (oh god I hope I did yours was soooo amazingly long and awesome, but don't feel you have to force yourself to write long ones. I'm easy enough that I'm okay with a quickie) though I feel the need to say NOPE I have no siblings, cause I didn't remember if I answered that. Though when I try to do the Carver thing in my next attempt I have marked your email so I have some sort of basis for that kind of thing. I truly hope you don't mind. The fruit basket thing is right after he catches up to her after she bolts from the hospital. (again just in case I didn't get to that, stupid hackers)

_**TheWickedVirgo**_- Thank you. Really, and honestly it means a lot sometimes to just get nice simple praise when others are so mean. And I hope you haven't giving up on this story yet, I am taking your advice and keeping this one going. Cause your right, too bad for them if they don't like it.

_**Hijiro Kannon**_- I'm so, so glad that it pulled you in, because that's the whole point of a story. To take you out of your own life for a little while and into someone else's. And I'm glad you don't have to deal with such heavy stuff yet. I'd say more but then I'd be going into a philosophy lesson LOL. Which I love but . . . Oh well anyway I hope you like this one too.

I ADORE YOU ALL. And before anyone complains I like my Andraste, she was a human once, why should that change simply because she's married to a god? She would still remember what it was like.

Ja ne. Minna-san

Kat


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